Take it from Snee: Keep calm and drink

"According to your answers, you drank lllllllllllllllllllllllllllll rumrunners last night."
“According to your answers, you drank lllllllllllllllllllllllllllll rumrunners last night.”

Something is amiss in the United Kingdom. University College London researchers tried to reconcile alcohol sales with the amounts people claimed to drink in surveys, but the numbers just don’t match up. Nearly half of all booze sold in the U.K. is unaccounted for.

So, where did it go? A lesser writer might just chalk this up to people under-reporting what they drink, what business is it of yours, jack? And it makes some sense — anyone who’s ever been asked by a professor how much they’ve had to drink is more likely to low-ball that figure.

But, that still wouldn’t add up to twice as much booze sold as drunk. What the hell is going on in Merry Olde England? Let’s just say I have a few ideas … Continue reading Take it from Snee: Keep calm and drink

In space, no one can hear you scream about roaming charges

Next up: testing Dr. Marketing Writer's June 1978 claim that we'll believe a man can fly by launching one in orbit.
Next up: testing Dr. Marketing Writer’s June 1978 claim that we’ll believe a man can fly by launching one in orbit.

Researchers from the University of Surrey launched a smartphone into orbit from India. They will then test the theory presented in the May 1979 issue of renown science journal, Poster for Alien, by Dr. Marketing Writer that “in space, no one can hear you scream.”

They’re using a smart phone application that was custom-designed by the Cambridge University Space Flight and is cryptically called the Scream in Space app. (Neither school has confirmed whether ice cream is involved.) When activated, it will play several pre-recorded screams, and then check to see if the phone’s receiver “hears” it.

Not only is this a landmark case for testing movie theories, but it will also be the first use of the voice feature on a smartphone since 2005.

Food so good it’ll make you eat a can

Yes, yes, yes, we are more than aware of the controversy regarding horse meat that’s gone global. But trust us on this, entitled Americans and Europeans: it could be worse. It could be so much worse.

It could be water buffalo meat, donkey meat and goat meat. According to professors at Stellenbosch University, meat from all three categories was found in South African ground beef, sausages and burgers. Yum.

The specific section of the donkey where meat from it was taken not identified, but we’ll guess that it came from the butt. Yes, that means ass ass meat was found in the food. Mmmm-mmmm.

Furiouser and furiouser

It may be called the happiest place on Earth, but don’t cross the white rabbit.

In California, a dad was on a trip with his two teenage daughters in Disneyland, when they decided to have a bit of fun. One girl walked up behind the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland and pulled on his tail. Then, for sport, the other daughter did the same thing. This was all done while the dad was recording it.

That’s when the white rabbit snapped, grabbing her by the arm and neck, and when her sister protested, he said, “Don’t even start your s&%$ with me.”

You don’t want to mess with the dude. He’s late for a very important date.