The conclave is over and Catholics have a new pope: Argentinian Jorge Bergoglio, now known by Francis I — shut up, guys. Francis is totally a guy’s name.
Now that Pope Benedict XVI has been replaced, the Guys want to assure Pope Francis that Ben was just our practice pope. We were younger when that guy got elected. You probably wouldn’t have even liked us back then, when we’d basically make fun of any dude in a white robe and red shoes.
So, yes, we’re glad he was elected … unlike those pesky Italians who congratulated God for electing Italian Cardinal Angelo Scola of Milan at the first sign of white smoke. Good thing Frank is of Italian descent and from the most European country in South America, otherwise he might have something to worry about.
Let’s just say the Romans get a little stabby when leadership doesn’t go their way, especially around mid-March.