Don’t run from the bears

Hikers provide the fiber mating bears and wolves don't often get through their native diet thanks to beards, fedoras, backpacks and walking sticks.
Hikers provide the fiber mating bears and wolves don’t often get through their native diet thanks to beards, fedoras, backpacks and walking sticks.

If you’ve ever done it by an open window, then you know that nothing kills the mood quite like joggers. That’s why three wildlife refuges in Oregon have erected “no jogging” signs: to keep the animals porking.

Although running has been banned for some time now in the parks, the signs will make everyone aware of the existing rule. Other banned activities that distract animals and hinder the procreative process are riding bicycles and horses and bringing pets. (So, that’s no running, horseplay or outside food — just like at the pool.)

Hiking, however, is still OK because it’s slower and, therefore, less stressful to animals. Slow-moving hikers are also a convenient for pre-, mid- and post-coital snacking.

Published by

Rick Snee

Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of “moron,” some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and — on one occasion — a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven’t heard of it). Really, he’s just one of The Guys, y’know?