Day: May 3, 2013

This hasn’t been the best week to be a formerly-famous musician. Country singer George Jones was buried this week. He died last Friday after somehow surviving his drunken blur of a life for 81 years. Chris Kelly of the 90s rap group Kris Kross died this week. Only thing is, a large number of people on Twitter thought it was Christopher Cross. At least people were talking about him again. If you were busy getting ready for the big race this week, odds are you missed it.

Look out, Rome!
This week, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI (did I get the numerals right, Rick?) moved back into the Vatican. It’s the first time ever that there have been two popes at the Vatican at the same time, not counting the dead guys in the basement. Popes Francis and Benedict said they are looking forward to being roommates, and encourage everyone to watch their new sit-com. In the first episode, they fight over the top bunk.

Crafting a relationship
Martha Stewart is looking for love, and if you’re on Match.com, you might be in her sights. Apparently when she’s not making fun little crafts, selling her line of products or (I assume) cursing the existence of Pinterest, Stewart is putting herself on the market. Potential suitors should like long walks on the beach, know how to properly use a melon baller, and be OK with a criminal history.

Dew not be offended
Mountain Dew pulled an ad this week after it was called insensitive. I would like to know who shoots a commercial about a victim of assault looking at a lineup of black men and a talking goat that warns her not to snitch? How could they have possibly thought that the goat community wouldn’t get upset with that?

It took 13 years, but the casting call is finally out for Navajo-speakers to dub the 1977 movie Star Wars (that’s Episode IV, McBournie). The project was dreamed up by Manuelito Wheeler, the director of the Navajo Nation Museum, and he got permission — presumably from George Lucas — 18 months ago.

There are only two problems so far:

1. While working on the Navajo screenplay, the writing team had trouble finding ways to dub English words without direct Navajo language equivalents. The only way to get around these was to describe them in more words, sort of like how English speakers pronounce the German word “schadenfreude” as “nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo.” One of those troublesome phrases is a doozy: “May the Force be with you.”

2. Once completed, the Japanese will have no clue what they’re saying.

Yep, we ended the week on a World War II joke. Deal with it.

Who’s seen Porky’s? That’s the movie with the infamous scene involving a high school women’s locker room, a peep hole and male high schoolers peering through it (among other things). It’s a fairly icky scene when you think about it, but ultimately was handled as humorous, even when the guys were caught (SPOILERS, GAIZ!).

It’s a little different in the real world. When peeping toms get caught in real life, they tend to be arrested, not chased after by the heavy-set cafeteria lady.

Fun Fact: In Porky’s, getting caught means getting your pud pulled in a not-so-fun manner. In real life, you end up crashing through a ceiling.

Unlike the panda, which is in trouble because it won’t reproduce, the wood frog may cause its own end by trying to reproduce too much.

The wood frog, found in Canada, reproduces by giving a special hug. The male frog gets the female to release eggs by bear-hugging them out of her. This approved-for-children mating ritual turns NC-17, and dangerous, when multiple male frogs all try to hug the same female. Scientists say it often ends with the female exploding under the pressure. This is God’s way of reminding the amphibians that group sex is a sin.

Keep in mind that the wood frog can also freeze solid in the winter and thaw out alive, and does a great duck call.