Day: May 16, 2013

Don’t think of the title of John Dies at the End as a spoiler in the conventional sense, thought there is a character named John and, well, you know. This movie, written and directed by Don Coscarelli and based on a novel by Jason Pargin (writing under the pseudonym/Cracked.com internet handle David Wong), is not really about John, in any case, and is either entirely spoiler-proof or completely self-spoiling. It lays waste to linear narration, thematic coherence, psychological plausibility and just about everything else you might expect to encounter. It zigs, zags and trips over its own feet and on its own home-brewed hallucinogens. It’s a ridiculous, preposterous, sometimes maddening experience, but also kind of a blast. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘John Dies at the End’

10 feet tall. Both foam and bronze. A future beacon of both robo-osity and justice.

People, we present to you the early stages of the Robocop statue that was created through funding via a Kickstarter campaign and will be displayed in Detroit. What we cannot present to you is exactly where it will be standing. Nor can we present to you the super secret way to override Objective 4.

As Bryan McBournie reported in this week’s “Minute,” cicadas make people say and do crazy things, like eat them. Fortunately, one of several broods only pop up every decade, give or take a few years, so we can nod and say, “Sure, it’s just like eating shrimp,” because we know this is only a temporary madness inspired by driveways covered in bug skin.

But, the U.N. isn’t content with being crazy once every 17 years. They are ready to embrace bug-eating every year, all year-long.

Taking a break from somehow stealing all of your guns, the U.N. found that insects produce more meat per pound of food eaten than most other sources of protein. It’s also leaner because bugs have ridiculous body images thanks to the exoskeleton fashion industry.

Their study noted that two billion people in Asia, Africa and Latin America already eat bugs. And in some African and Asian countries, large enough collections of certain bugs can mean big money for collectors. Of course, this is what happens when you have to compete with lions and tigers for a steak.

There’s only one reason The Guys may support this idea: to finally thin the bugs’ numbers. They currently outnumber us 200 million to one.

When going on vacation, it’s probably best to just write off all of South America. Really, we mean the whole continent. It’s filled with lovely people and all, but it sort of seems like they target tourists wherever you go. That is, of course, except for Ecuador. They love tourists there.

A French couple arrived home after a vacation in Ecuador, and luckily, their bags arrived along with them. However, when the couple got home, they discovered that their bags had been unpacked for them somewhere in transit. They had no clothes or souvenirs, except for a very special gift from the people of Ecuador: cocaine. 20 kilograms (about 44 lbs.) of it.

That’s how you get return business.