Day: June 21, 2013

Hello there faithful reader. Your normal YMI guy, Bryan McBournie, is currently out visiting bathroom mirrors of bachelors across the nation, trusty tube of lipstick in hand. That means you’re stuck with the guy who somehow got conned into doing it for this week (suffice to say, the specific model toilet that Michael Bay owns does not come cheap). If you were too busy shutting down your incredibly homophobic “pray the gay away” camp, odds are you missed it.

Protest-ato, Protest-ahto, let’s call the whole thing off!
Depending on where you live, it could be a fantastic week to be a protester. Silent protesters in Turkey, upset with Turkey’s Prime Minister, were arrested. Meanwhile in Brazil, protesters, upset with public transport fares being increased, rioted, resulting in Rio de Janerio’s historic and beautiful teatro municipal being set on fire. Considering the actual thing being protested and the severity of the protest, you’d think the two countries might switch sides. No matter what, it’s a golden age for the industrial fire hose industry.

I’m almost scared to hear what she called black-eyed peas
When asked in a courtroom if she ever used the n-word (for Quantum & Woody fans, that would be noogie), butter-betes cooking star Paula Deen admitted “of course.” A recent statement from her lawyer stated that Deen comes from a different time in the history of the United States. This can only result in Deen’s newest book: “Just like your granddaddy, I’m set in my ways, ya’ll.”

It’s just not been the same since Ahmad Rashad got off MJ’s junk
The NBA finals ended last night with a spectacular victory for the Miami Heat as they took down the San Antonio Spurs in 7 games. So marks the end of the NBA season and discussion, right? Wrong, as your Facebook feed will now be full for the next 6 months of the same people still hating LeBron while other people still champion the man. But hey, at least it’s not hockey (am I right, people with Nielsen boxes?).

In the War on Animals, it’s important to celebrate every victory, no matter how big or small. (This is why The Guys fist-pump every time a bug splats on their windshields.) So in Oregon, today we celebrate.

Over 25,000 bees were found dead in an Oregon parking lot this week, and the death toll could rise in the days ahead. There’s no word on the cause of the death of the bees yet. Don’t worry, The Guys have paid the right people off to seal our alibis.

The United States Navy has been slowly trying to be a fountain of public relations greatness. After it was revealed by people with too much time on their hands that the Navy uses all-caps for their message font, the coastal seamen announced that they would be doing away with the anger in their typing.

Unfortunately, they won’t be scoring any points with the cereal crowd. After nearly a week of unearthing dirt and data, they declared that while Captain Crunch does wear the ranking of a United States Navy Commander, they have no enlistment information for the guy.

Scandal has erupted. 1963. 1969. Neither compare to 6/20/2013: the day that the dreams of a cartoon cereal mascot died.

Roger Ebert famously hated the 1994 Rob Reiner movie, North. He hated it so much that, shortly after he died, his review became the prime example of how much movies affected him. How much did he hate it?

I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

Yeah, who would ever believe that a kid would ever sue for emancipation from parents who named him North? To suggest that this would ever happen would be the most “contrived, artificial” plot ever devised for a movie. No parents are that stupid, right, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian?