Amanda Bynes, otherwise known as Lindsay Lohan-lite, has taken to Twitter to let people know that she is a hero for surviving her life with webbing between her eyes.
The Guys have several descriptions for Bynes as well, though none of which are hero, and ours rhymes with “more” and “crazy-mass hitch.”
New scientific research confirms what The Guys have always known about our favorite turncoats in the War on Animals: dogs are stupid, codependent children.
Researchers observed dogs with and without their human counterparts. The dogs’ behavior indicates that they treat their humans the same way babies treat their parents. In almost every test case, the dogs relied on their humans for motivation when working for food (known in the dog world as “turning tricks”). This is a part of attachment theory called the “secure base effect,” where you — as the by-all-appearances “responsible” adult — serve as the launching off and return point for your child’s new interactions with the world.
So, if you’re using your dog as a surrogate child, then good news: the feeling’s mutual. Cat owners exist only as food, though.
