Eat My Sports: Jersey, sure?

This marks consecutive weeks in which I’ve written about the New England Guys Who Fought For America, I feel like I need a shower. Anywho, for those of you that live underneath rocks, the Patriots had a player who got himself in a little bit of trouble with the law. His name is Aaron Hernandez, he may or may not be involved in a murder, so New England cut Hernandez one year after signing him to a five year-$41 million dollar extension. You know because the team that signed Corey Dillon, Chad Ocho-Johnson, Randy Moss, Albert Haynesworth and Donté Stallworth has morals.

After cutting Hernandez, who I will remind you at this point has only been charged, not convicted (I see you nodding, Ray Lewis), the Patriots have decided to offer a jersey exchange at their pro shop for anyone who had purchased a Hernandez number 81 jersey, where they could swap out their jersey for one of equal value of another player. This all seems well and good except for the fact that the exchange is actually ripping people off.

Let me explain. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Jersey, sure?

Bees now think our boats are theirs

Summer is awesome because it means rich people or people who have more disposable money than they know what to do with can go out onto the water and drive a boat around.

Now imagine a bee. Not one of those SyFy channel original CGI ones, but a real bee. On its own, it doesn’t seem like it’s that deadly unless you’re allergic, though a single bee can be incredibly annoying. Multiply that bee by 5. By 10 can be intimidating. By 100 becomes scary. By 1000 can be frightening. By 25,000 is nightmare inducing. It’s also what happened at a boat yard in Massachusetts.

No one knows how it happened, but a cluster of bees, numbering in nearly 25 large, descended upon the water, preventing any fun from being had over the weekend. Spoilsports!

“I’ve seen clusters twice as big as this,” said local bee expert, Greg Morrow.

Morrow collected the bees and now he’s trying to find out who they belong to.

“25,000 bees is not a lot of bees,” said Morrow.

No one likes a one-upper, Greg.

Giant Panda depresses childless pandas for fourth time

Lun Lun's childless Facebook friends are still emotionally drained from trying not to cry while "liking" the near-daily photo updates from her last cub, Po.
Lun Lun’s childless Facebook friends are still emotionally drained from trying not to cry while “liking” the near-daily photo updates from her last cub, Po.

Lun Lun, a 15-year-old Giant Panda at Zoo Atlanta, announced not just on her Facebook Wall, but in a news release that she’s pregnant for the fourth time. Three of her previous cubs have survived so far, much to the celebration and annoyance of other pandas who just can’t seem to have a cub or, when they did, accidentally killed it.

We reached out to Mei Xiang at the National Zoo, who has one surviving cub, Tai Shan.

“Again?” Ms. Xiang said. “That’s four, now, right? Jesus, Lun. You’re a panda, not a monochromatic clown car.”

All of the other pandas we contacted either sullenly ate bamboo or wailed in Sichuanese.

Fill up your glass with British snobbery

Pairing television shows with booze is the latest craze. You may remember the line of beers meant to be enjoyed while watching Game of Thrones. Now, PBS is cashing in on the only hit series they have that wasn’t directed by Ken Burns.

Yes, a Downton Abbey line of wines is in the works. It will use the same vines that made many of the French wines that were popular among the British aristocracy during that time.

They should probably add a whisky, too, so the Irish guy doesn’t feel left out.