Eat My Sports: Talk smack like a man, fan

Over the years I’ve done many columns on sports fan etiquette. Because being fan of any team is important, it’s more important that you don’t act like a douche doing it.

Being a fan of any team also means there are rivalries, Red Sox and Yankees, Redskins and Cowboys, Lakers and Celtics etc. When there are rivalries, this means there is smack talk, the most fun part of being a sports fan. It’s when you get to tell a Cowboys’ fan they haven’t won crap since the Clinton administration, it’s how any Celtic fan can just say “Kobe” and “Denver,” or how Yankees fans can no longer chant “1918” because Sox fans come right back with “2004.” It’s awesome, it’s fun, but also know that there is a time and place, and a way to tell the guy in the Ben Roethlisberger jersey “no means no.” Continue reading Eat My Sports: Talk smack like a man, fan

Dolphins dare us to make fun of their names

"Your name is Mr. Sparkles. What is your name?" ::whistles:: "No, your name is MR. SPARKLES! What's your name, boy?"
“Your name is Mr. Sparkles. What is your name?”
::whistles::
“No, your name is MR. SPARKLES! What’s your name, boy?”

Scottish scientists discovered that dolphins use a distinctive, identifying whistle and answer to it when another uses it. That’s right: dolphins have names, but not the embarrassing ones we give them to keep their spirits low like Finley, Dickbeak or Flipper.

In the wild, dolphins use a naming whistle to maintain contact with their groups, or pods. The 3D nature of a water environment, along with often poor visibility and everything smelling like whale s**t makes it otherwise impossible to track your friends and family.

Scientists have not yet translated the names into their English-equivalents, but if dolphins are anything like the ladies who do The Guys’ mani-pedis, then they’re probably all named Linda.

British fast food restaurants are apparently the worst

Fast food places in the United States can be horrible. It’s true, it’s true. Sometimes you’ll get shot, sometimes you’ll be viciously attacked by a soda cup and sometimes you’ll see a race riot appear. By the way,  that can go either way for an employee or a customer.

In the United Kingdom, it’s apparently a little different.

Over at various Burger Kings, you can possibly get slugs in your sandwiches. At least, that’s the claim by Manminber Singh. He says that he found a slug in Tendercrisp. While we’re certainly not fans of slugs around here, we don’t want to relegate them to being eaten. The cleansing power of fire is a much better place for them to be.

And over in Greater Manchester, a woman attempted to go through the drive-thru of a McDonald’s via a horse. When that didn’t work, she took the animal inside. While the smell of the animal is a bit of a problem for the customers, the Scared Straight-esque effect on the horse could be worth it.