This year’s summer fashion: beards, green pants and a stove pipe hat

For all we know, maybe Will got a hold of Urkel's time machine and tried to put Lincoln in some sweet ass jams.
For all we know, maybe Will got a hold of Urkel’s time machine and tried to wrap Lincoln in some sweet ass jams.

Comments sections in The Washington Post and other publications are ablaze after park rangers discovered that the Lincoln Memorial was vandalized Thursday night.

Liberals are blaming conservatives and conservatives, liberals — but both groups are missing the obvious evidence: Abe’s pants were splattered with lime green paint instead of the customary red for blood.

So, our true suspect is most likely color blind.

Canadian man apologetic about lamest drunken act ever

“If I’m going to be in the paper, I’d at least like them to say I actually made it, even though I got in trouble and everything,” Morillo, 47, said Tuesday. “I gotta pay fines and stuff. But I don’t want it to sound like I didn’t make it, because then my buddies are going to say ‘ha, ha, you didn’t make it.’ Because that was the whole thing, to show them I could do it.”

Good luck with those fines, John Morillo. After any activity involving yourself with the city of Detroit, even the Detroit River, you and your acts are now instantly devalued.