You Missed It: Paid time off edition

How can you not trust a face like this?
How can you not trust a face like this?

After a restorative week off, I’m back at the helm. For all of last week, I unplugged from the news. Not just because I was on vacation, but because I was on vacation with 12 other people, and no one wanted to hear about the royal baby for 12 hours straight. But I know you don’t want to hear about my vacation. How are you? What’s new with you? Actually, I don’t care. If you were busy waiting to find out if you would be kicked out of baseball this week, odds are you missed it.

Hands-on leadership
This week, San Diego Mayor Bob Filner had even more women accuse him of sexual harassment. We’re up to nine now that have accused him of inappropriate touching and other unwelcome advances. The 70-year-old mayor has not resigned from office, but instead checking himself into a clinic, where he gets updates on city business. This in the wake of Anthony Weiner’s latest sexting scandal. Reportedly, the Democratic National Committee is continuing its outreach to women voters by introducing its new slogan, “We support the right to choose, so why don’t you bring that sweet ass over here, baby?”

Ark. teachers can’t pack heat (yet)
Arkansas’ state attorney said that one of its school districts cannot move forward with a program to arm its teachers, because the state law it was trying to use only applies to private security companies. The school district had pointed to safety, as well as the inherent teaching benefits of guns in the classroom. English: “Today we’re learning the letters H and K.” Math: “If I have nine rounds, and I shoot three of them into the ceiling–like so–how many rounds do I have left?” History: “The Second Amendment says that the Founding Fathers thought it was fine to have automatic and semtautomatic weapons carried around strangers entrusted with educating the nation’s youth.”

Jodie Foster, you saved me!
On Thursday, actress Jamie Lee Curtis was involved in a car accident. Not many details are known, but Curtis was a passenger. She immediately called Jodie Foster, and then 911. Foster showed up there first. Curtis was checked out at the hospital and released. Is it me, or are people getting more desperate for parts in superhero movies?

CarasSério: because you *can* drink on the job in Portugal

We can't even speak English after a few drinks, anyway.
We can’t even speak English after a few drinks, anyway.

When politics doesn’t go your way, it’s tempting to say you’re moving to Canada. Or Australia. Or anywhere else they speak English, because, dammit, it’s one thing to renounce your citizenship; but, it’s another to renounce the only language you speak, too. How can you continue your career in whatever it is you’re avoiding by reading this Web site if you move someplace where they don’t speak English?

But, before you cool down and decide that maybe getting drafted or Obamacare isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you, have you considered Portugal? Sure, they speak Portuguese, so you’d have to take on a menial labor job. But, now you can legally drink while you do it.

The appeals court in Porto — the city where port wine comes from — ruled that it was wrong to fire a garbage man for drinking on the job. While the court decided the case based on the company not having written BAC limit for employees, the judges specifically cited the unpleasant nature of his work: “Because, let’s admit it, [garbage collectors’] work is unpleasant.”

The Guys would pack our bags and leave for Portugal today, but who needs to bring stuff when we can have all the garbage we can eat and wear?

Some problems can actually be solved with ice cream

There was nearly an escape of a large number on monkeys from a zoo in England yesterday, and thanks to the quick thinking of facility employees, disaster was averted.

A group chimpanzees somehow made it out of their holding area and into “a secure area” while they were being moved to new housing. Apparently they were just steps away from breaking out of the zoo altogether. And they would have, had zoo workers not coaxed them back in with ice cream and “fizzy drinks.”

Had this happened in New York, Michael Bloomberg would have had those heroes arrested for trying to make the chimps fat.