Eat My Sports: Bye-bye, A-Rod

You all know at this point, we can’t stand the Yankees, much less Alex Rodriguez. The two combined for a perfect combination to direct our hatred of everything that is wrong in sports, in the same direction. Now, in the ban everyone has been waiting for months to come down, will effectively end the career of the phoniness player any of us have ever seen take the field, and we couldn’t be happier.

Lets forget for a minute Popcorngate, the Madonna rumors, the Canadian stripper or the multiple portraits of A-Rod as a centaur. This is what Rodriguez wants you to buy: that he didn’t use steroids until arriving in Texas in 2001. That a historically dirty Seattle Mariners clubhouse had no effect on his steroid use. That he did not use PEDs from 2003-2009, when he finally admitted to using them, and that he didn’t use any PEDs from the Biogenisis clinic for the past three years.

What we finally have now with the ban handed down, is that Rodriguez’ once in a lifetime talent was nothing but a lie and a career based off of steroid use. His ban for the remained of this year and all of 2014 is a death sentence for his career, and not one he will be able to come back naturally. But then again, at this point, everything that he portrays and is, is fake, so we aren’t even surprised that his career and potential comeback is.

A-Rod had the talent to be the most celebrated player in baseball history. He was Babe Ruth’s power with Willie Mayes’ speed and athletic ability, and now we get to see it all go down the drain. He wants us to believe the lie he’s told since 1995. And hell, he’s told it so many times that he probably believes it. But the lie cost him his career, and we’re glad to see it end.

They need a new agent

The Russian people are known for their sense of humor and not taking themselves too seriously. That’s why their reaction to what an American band did seems so strange.

While touring in Ukraine (the country formerly known as “The Ukraine”), Jared Hasselhoff, bassist of the Bloodhound Gang, and put a Russian flag down his pants. Apparently the Ukrainians have a soft spot for their former rulers, and someone ratted on them when they got to their next tour stop, Russia.

The band was promptly kicked out of the country. So, if you insult a piece of fabric, you’re gone, mister. But if you leak hundreds of secret U.S. documents, and no other country will accept you, well come on in!

(Also, apparently the Bloodhound Gang is still around.)