“I’m tired of these motherflubbing spiders in these motherflubbing planes!”
Day: August 7, 2013
Smart toilet technology predicatably bites us in the ass
If the world is Oz, then the Japanese are collectively the Wizard, and they will give a brain to just about anything these days. Unfortunately, it looks like making the toilet “smart” was a bad idea.
The Satis smart toilet has an automated lid, bidet functions, sounds, air freshening and a spotlight for appraising your work afterwards. (Considering that it costs over $4000, it makes sense that the person who owns one would believe that their dumps are Instagram-worthy. We recommend the Hudson filter.)
But, because it’s hardwired with Bluetooth (… really?), it’s also vulnerable to hacking. So, if your toilet starts acting up, there’s a good chance that it’s just someone who knows to spend their money on computer hardware instead of toiletry screwing around with you.
Or, if you don’t have a smart toilet, then it’s definitely the hand monster waiting inside.
If you teach a mouse to skateboard
It’s winter time in Australia. Right now, Aussies are probably going to holiday parties and singing carols in the streets, then comparing knives. We don’t picture there being much else to do this Australian holiday season.
That’s why it doesn’t come as a shock that a man from down under reports that he has taught mice to skateboard on a little ramp. Some might raise alarm to this development, after all, doesn’t this mean the mice can teach others, becoming one step closer to humans?
Not really. You see, we haven’t had an opportunity like this since 1965, when a mouse learned how to ride a motorcycle. Which led to the children’s literary world to declare war on mice. (To be fair, children’s writers had been killing other animals for decades.)
Just don’t give the mouse a cookie.