The McBournie Minute: Drinking like a fish

I think I picked the wrong line of work. You see, when I was a kid, all I wanted to do was write. It was actually one of the only ways I felt I could really express myself. And let me tell you, I had a rough childhood. Did I mention I grew up in Vermont? You don’t want to know what I’ve seen, man.

I eventually grew up to be a writer, and also an editor. That means I get to take peoples’ dreams, crush them, and then tell them what they need to do better if they want to keep living the dream. Sure, it’s fun, but it’s not scientist-fun. I’ve always felt that if you get in with the right lab, you don’t have to research boring stuff like cures for cancer, you can use public funding to goof off. You can build robots or experiment on animals or something.

You can even get animals drunk and chase them around with a robot. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Drinking like a fish

As if Spain didn’t have enough problems

For the past half decade to even a full decade, Spain has had a terribly high unemployment rate (as in, high enough to be globally relevant). And while there’s a siesta joke that could probably be made here, we’ll leave it alone in order to joke about their roasted pig head dish.

Not everyone has a job, but even those that do may not have security. For those that will have to work in the In Tempo building, they may just want to quit now.

The In Tempo building is but a scant 47 stories, not that big in comparison to other giant buildings around the world; however, thanks to a planning error, the elevators only go to the twentieth floor. That leaves employees to have to hoof it up the steps for potentially 27 more floors. Yes, the majority will be possibly dead, but think of all the office workers with fantastic looking butts!

The Life of Martin

"Well, I'm the judge, and I say 'e's not the messiah and, furthermore, rule that 'e is, in fact, a very naughty boy." --From Judge Lu Ann Ballew's ruling
“Well, I’m the judge, and I say ‘e’s not the messiah and, furthermore, rule that ‘e is, in fact, a very naughty boy.” –From Judge Lu Ann Ballew’s ruling

While hearing a case about a child’s last name in Cocke (heh) County, Tennessee, a judge went above and beyond the call of duty and changed the child’s first name, too. (Hopefully at no extra charge.)

Judge Lu Ann Ballew ruled that parents could not name their son Messiah and ordered his full name changed from Messiah DeShawn Martin to Martin DeShawn McCullough so that his name would include both parents’ last names.

Oh, and also because

‘The word “Messiah” is a title, and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person, and that one person is Jesus Christ,’ the judge added.

This is, of course, news to Cyrus the Great, Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, Bahá’u’lláh, Maitreya, Emperor Haile Selassie I, Neo, Anakin Skywalker and Paul Muad’dib Atreides.

In case the idea of a Tennessee court using its bench to enforce religious doctrine seems vaguely familiar, it’s probably because Tennessee is one of several states that tried to make it a crime to practice Sharia law. That’s because one religion is more than their judges can already handle.

Great, now there’s a fish that bites testicles

Attention all dude skinny-dippers in the Denmark region (and we know there are a lot of you who visit this site), do not drop trou in the Strait of Oresund, just trust us on this.

Oh, you still want to know why? You’ll regret it. Last chance.

A fish native to South America, called the pacu, was found in those waters recently. It’s a relative of the piranha, but mostly harmless. It has teeth and chompers strong enough to crush up nuts that happen to fall into its native rivers. Unfortunately, it also goes for nuts of the male variety. This fish could bite your testicles if you don’t keep them covered up.

Stay safe out there, guys.