Day: September 3, 2013

Now that the 2013 NFL season is finally upon us, it’s time for my annual NFL predictions where I have successfully chosen exactly two Super Bowl champion in the past six years (’08 Steelers and ’10 Packers).

Normally i go on some long winded rant about each team, trying to explain why the Bengals or 49ers will have huge hangovers and actually suck. But with trying to save you time, and me brain cells, without further adieu, I give you my predictions for the 2013 NFL season.

AFC Division Winners
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers
AFC South: Houston Texans
AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC West: Denver Broncos

AFC Wild Cards
Indianapolis Colts, Kansas City Chiefs

AFC Champion
Denver Broncos over New England Patriots

NFC Division Winners
NFC North: Green Bay Packers
NFC South: New Orleans Saints
NFC East: New York Giants
NFC West: Seattle Seahawks

NFC Wild Cards
Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Lions

NFC Champion
Seattle Seahawks over New York Giants

Super Bowl Champion
Denver Broncos over Seattle Seahawks

Now that Labor Day has come and gone, it’s the more or less fall. (We still have over two weeks left of summer, technically.) And with autumn, it’s time for football. If you’re also trying to keep off the weight you lost this summer, we’ve got some good news and bad news.

The bad news is that there’s a decent chance that you’re going to get fat again this season, but the good news is that it’s not your fault, it’s your sh&%#y team’s. According to a new study, when your team loses, you will likely eat 16% more saturated fats than you would normally. And that jerk rooting for the winning team? He’s going to eat 9% less saturated fats than usual.

This is probably why there are so many obese people in the Midwest.

To help cover the costs of his daughter’s wedding, one dad has done the unthinkable: auctioning off his original copy of The Amazing Spider-Man volume 1. Published in 1963 and in good condition, the comic sold for $7,900, turning what had been Richard Schaen’s 12-cent investment into a dollar amount that shows just how far our princess fetish has gone.

Should the groom screw up, however, and the couple divorces, then Schaen has more rare issues to auction and fund his transformation into Angry Pop, arch-nemesis to the guy who broke his daughter’s heart made him sell his comics for nothing.

Those other comics, by the way? First issues of The Incredible Hulk. You’ve been warned, Doctor Groom.