Day: September 11, 2013

People just can’t get enough of the new pope. Not since Pope Benedict the XVI retired and the Vatican rebooted the papacy with Francis, the first originally named pope since — I s**t you not — Pope Lando in 913 A.D. (John Paul I doesn’t count because his name was just combined his two direct predecessors.’)

But they didn’t just give him a fancy unnumbered title and lens flare. With each news story, Francis acts a little more how each of us, Catholic and non, would like to see a pope act, which is usually not like any pope we’ve known in our lifetimes.

In fact, he’s so un-pope-like that … well, what if he’s being pope ironically? I’m not confident enough in my afterlife to outright call the holy see a hipster, but here’s evidence that, were it anyone else, would cause even the juicer at Whole Foods to throw their douche flag. (It’s dry quinoa wrapped in a keffiyeh, bound with old timey packaging twine.)

Judge for yourself … y’know, unless ye be judged first or whatever.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Is the pope ironically Catholic?

Electronic traffic signs are pretty important things to observed, even if — more often than not — they’re used needlessly for “Click It or Ticket” purposes. That said, sometimes they’re used for very important reasons, such as warning drivers of the horror of the living dead.

Other times, they can warn people of rampaging animals. Perhaps the sign was hacked. Perhaps there are no actual gorillas in Michigan. Nonetheless, we should all be vigilant of primates on the loose.

Sen. John McCain expressed profound disappointment in President Barack Obama’s decision to delay plans for missile strikes on Syria. He chided the president for instead opting for a diplomatic solution with the Russians, who will help negotiate the turnover of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s chemical weapons stockpile to the U.N.

‘I was very disappointed that the president did not mention the Free Syrian Army and our moral and material assistance, which is required. I think they do feel abandoned,’ the Arizona Republican said.

“And I was only one punch hole away from another free defense contract on my U.S. Foreign Policy in the Middle East card, too,” he added, looking down at his shoes while kicking at an invisible dust mote.

At 77 years old, each failed opportunity to (as McCain put it) “bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb” a desert nation puts that last hole ever more perilously out of reach. The only reason he reportedly still bothers getting out of bed now is his hope that things could always turn uglier in Egypt.

The drums of secession are beating once again. This time it’s Maryland. Well, part of Maryland, anyway.

A group of people in the western counties in Maryland want to break off and form their own state. The conservatives there are tired of living under the Democratic-controlled state government. For those who don’t know, western Maryland is squeezed between West Virginia, Pennsylvania and Virginia. It’s also known as the only place in the state worse to live than the city of Baltimore.

The leader of the Western Maryland Initiative, Scott Strzelczyk, envisions a free, mountainous utopia that emphasizes “personal liberty, less government intrusion, less federal entanglements.” Grammar, it seems, would not be emphasized.

According to Strzelczyk, “If we have more states, we can all go live in states that best represent us, and then we can get along.” Yes, if you don’t agree with the people your neighbors, break off all contact and form your own group. That’s how problems are solved–and cults are formed.