Day: September 19, 2013

Of all the paradoxes time-travel stories offer, the most vexing may be that they’re awfully predictable in their unpredictability. As soon as the audience figures out that Nacho Vigalondo’s Timecrimes is going to be about a man revisiting moments we’ve just witnessed, the natural response is to start scanning the frame, trying to figure out which details are significant. And in a movie as tautly constructed as this one, the answer is clear: Everything is significant. Which makes the ways in which everything connects all too easy to figure out. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Timecrimes’

If ye be worried that ‘liking’ something on Facebook can be used against ye, then fear not! The U.S. Court of Appeals in Richmond, Virginia, ruled that the act o’ ‘liking’ things on Facebook be protected under the First Amendment.

So, ye can ‘like’ things as much as ye can stands, and the Coast Guard can’t say nothin’ about it. (Or, if ye be not at sea, your local lubber constabulary.)

If ye’d be interested in exercisin’ this new right, might we suggest clickin’ the ‘Like’ button below?

Ahoy! We literary thieves and beggars known as Seriously Guys always be fans of ye old wrecking ball. But now the wench child of Billy Ray Cyrus, be responsible fer’ making Grand Valley State University make a piece of art walk the plank after students pillaged it and re-make her “Wrecking Ball” video, hopefully with a bottle of rum.

Pirates may not be the noblest o’ scurvy dawgs, but we be a lot more kinder goin’ than the ninja. Ninjas, the sworn enemy o’ the pirate, are a lot that be needin’ ta see Ol’ Davy Jones’ locker, what with all their flippin’ around and slicin’ up o’ people. At least when we pirates attack ya, you kin al’ays parley (though ye won’ if ye know what’s good for ye … YARRGH). Ninjas don’ even have a code like that!

That’s why we be o’ two minds about Jackie Chan. Sure, he seems like a nice enough swab, and he could probably climb up to the crows’ nest faster than the rest of you scurvy lot (that’s right, I be talkin’ about you, Mister Smee!). But have you been seeing his movin’ pictures? The man be flippin’ around … just like a ninja.

That’s why we be of two more minds about JC World, the amusement park he be building all in honor o’ himself and filled to the gills with his personal effects. Sure, the lot o’ his personal effects may be worth some money, and what self-proclaiming privateer be avoidin’ loot? But how do we be knowin’ it ain’t no trap by ninjas? Be foolin’ me once, shame on me. Be foolin’ me twice, sword in you.

We all enjoy a glass o’ grog, do we not? But it be expensive t’buy when in port. What if ye were able t’make alcohol in yer gut and not need t’drink a thing?

A 61-year-old landlubber from Texas can do just that. He found he was gettin’ his sea legs without havin’ touched a drop o’ the good stuff. Doctors eventually figured out he had a type o’ yeast livin’ in his gut, and it was feedin’ off starchy foods he ate. The yeast would make alcohol an’ get him drunk. It be called auto-brewery syndrome.

We found the cure fer growin’ old, mateys!