Great, so now we have to think up drinks with Sprite in them

American scientists don't want to even get into what they're doing for funding these days.
American scientists don’t want to even get into what they’re doing for funding these days.

A while back, we wrote about how there isn’t enough research about hangovers, mostly because scientists don’t want to make drinking out of chemistry sets a regular thing. Also, because grants are kind of tied up at the moment. So, the latest in hangover research comes from China.

Chinese researchers finally have a theory on what a hangover really is. (Don’t laugh. Nobody knew.) They found evidence that a hangover is actually a chemical reaction from drinking alcohol where the ethanol consumed becomes acetaldehyde. That acetaldehyde causes the symptoms of a hangover, which include headaches, nausea, swearing off of alcohol entirely and then signing that pact with a beer.

The hangover subsides once all the acetaldehyde converts to acetate, which is harmless and may temporally boost brain performance. (Drink up, kid. You’ve got a test to ace.)

Long story short: they tested a bunch of drinks and found that Sprite and soda water speed up acetaldehyde to acetate conversion, or aldehyde dehydrogenase, which — to our surprise — is not the name of a fugitive Nazi war criminal.

So, that’s good news and bad news: good because Sprite is pretty easy to get a hold of, but bad because it pairs horribly with Seagram’s Seven Crown whiskey.

“They’re going to take me away and make me drink!”

Ever feel like hanging out with the guys, but you know if you say so to your lady friend that she’s going to have a problem with it? You should probably dump her.

At the very least, you should avoid doing what a man in Texas did. Police say a man in Edinburg, Texas staged his own kidnapping so he could have a few beers with his friends. His wife told authorities that two armed, masked men forced their way into their home and made off with the man. A manhunt was soon launched, but nothing was found.

He came home the next morning, saying his captors had let him go.