Day: October 14, 2013

The United States Postal Service has a saying:

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.

Now, said postmen have used a variety of other reasons to prevent your mail from coming to you, but regardless, they’re a fairly brave folk. Not so much for our counterparts over the pond.

The mail for Stuart Robertson-Reed had stopped being delivered to him and all because of arachnids. Potentially one or potentially a legion of them. Whatever the amount, per his postman, a massive web is in the front gate and won’t be delivered until something is done. Luckily, one brave postal worker thought the situation was manageable and sent the mail on.

Does England have a spider uprising? Can we even count on postal workers in the war? Troubling times, my friends. Troubling times.

If you thought there is an advocacy group for just about anything, you’d be wrong. There’s an advocacy group for everything, and the one for smokers just won a big case.

An organization called CLASH — which either stands for Citizens Lobbying Against Smoker Harassment or is the sound your teeth make when realizing these people feel oppressed for driving up health costs, polluting public grounds with butts and hacking at quiet moments at the movies — won their case against the Office of Parks, Recreation and Historic Preservation’s smoking ban.

Citing precedent, the group won with their argument that, since the New York state legislature has yet to successfully ban smoking in public, outdoor spaces, that the parks office can’t do it on their own. But, since we’re talking about the worst kind of smokers — hacktivists — they couldn’t drop their butt without grinding it into ground.

‘We will not abide being stepped on or succumb to shaming as a means to silence us by arrogant activist actors who enact a rule that could only be accomplished by ignoring the rules,’ CLASH founder Audrey Silk said in a statement.

In future news: New York’s state parks are now on fire.