Day: October 17, 2013

Heeeeere’s nutcases!

I think we can all agree that the famous “Here’s Johnny” moment in The Shining refers to talk-show host Johnny Carson’s nightly introduction. But based on the evidence in Room 237, that may be the only thing we can agree about when it comes to Stanley Kubrick’s classic horror film.

Room 237, named for a frightening room in the hotel where the film is set, is a documentary about The Shining that is really a documentary about obsession.

And it’s great. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Room 237’

It took 40,000 years, but it looks like respected British geneticist Bryan Sykes has finally cracked the mysterious Case of the Yeti: Man-Beast or Symptom of Living at the World’s Highest Elevation? And the results point to the chicanery of our constant animal foe: bears.

DNA samples from alleged Yeti scalps and other bits matched neither ape nor human genetics, but those found in a 40,000-year-old jawbone from a Norwegian polar bear ancestor. This means that the Yeti may be nothing more than a bear that descended from this species.

The Guys are shocked and appalled, mostly because we trusted you, Sasquatch. We brought you into our home after hitting you with our station wagon, and how do you repay us? By being that which we hate most: a bear. Also, by eating all of our ice cream, which was clearly labelled “NOT FOR BEARS.”

We will never trust again.

When I was a young child, I thought Australia was the bee’s knees. So much wild stuff was happening there! And then I saw an episode of Lassie where the titular dog was threatened by a kangaroo on the loose. As in, legitimate “the dog could be killed by the marsupial” danger.

Australia was taken off my list and so were kangaroos.

Now kangaroos are on the move. No longer fit to just have their own land, kangaroos are sending scouts into airports, potentially to hijack planes. No heed is paid to the state of their scouts, bleeding all over clean (enough) airport floors. No worry is paid to the laws of man, attempting to take any and all medicines that might aid their healing, but definitely will aid the healing of a hungover tourist.

We hate to say it but we will: our (airport) borders need to be strengthened.

There are people who own cats, and then there are people who own cats. It’s fine to own a pet, as long as you make sure it’s not gathering intelligence on you and sending it back to animal forces. But there’s a line.

For example, you don’t drink with your cats. Once again, Japan missed out on that memo. A company over there is introducing wine for cats, so you can get drunk with your feline friend and spill all our secrets. “Nyan Nyan Nouveau” doesn’t actually have alcohol, it’s got vitamins and a little bit of catnip. Great, so now your cat can drink you under the table.

Also, apparently there’s beer for dogs.