Day: December 5, 2013

Alien invasions can be thwarted by the simplest of things: infect them with the common cold (War of the Worlds); freeze them (The Blob); incinerate them with flame throwers (the universal cure as practised in Them!); splash them with water (Signs); In Grabbers, it’s alcohol that proves to be their undoing. The titular ‘grabbers’ are aquatic monsters that feed on blood, and are horribly allergic to booze. So when they crash land in the Irish sea and start preying on the inhabitants of Erin Island, there’s only one logical thing for the locals to do: organize a lock-in at the local bar and get drunk.

And that is why Grabbers is better than you. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Grabbers’

In what may be the most incredible account of man vs. ocean since the time we bet Bryan Schools that he couldn’t drink a gallon of seawater, Harrison Okene survived three days at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean in his submerged tugboat.

Back in May, Okene was serving on a tugboat when the ship was caught in a swell of the Nigerian coast. The ship sat on the bottom, 30 meters below the surface. While his 11 crewmates perished, Okene survived by finding a 4-foot pocket of air and sipping Coca-Cola. (According to most maritime reports, this is the first recorded time that Coca-Cola has sustained life since they removed sweet, nurturing cocaine from their recipe.)

We expect news of Tom Hanks and James Franco’s impending duel to the death to play Okene in the inevitable movie about his life any minute now.

Things have gone south for Huy Fong Foods since we last talked about Sriracha-gate. A California judge, apparently upset at their Srirachadora (and lacking a Godzilla-equivalent to fight it) possibly raining spicy hell upon the citizens of Irwindale, ordered them to halt production on any work that creates the fumes.

Huy Fong Foods will not be intimidated by the orders of judges. As such, they’ve hung up a banner in front of their plant stating “NO TEAR GAS MADE HERE.”

Normally, that may not be enough, but it’s a green banner with a white font, so it’s gotta be true, right guys?

Canada has serious problems. We’re not just talking about the fact that winter is nearly here and it sucks to live there right about now. It’s far, far worse. The northwest part of Calgary may have reached “peak toilet.”

Simply put, only so much can flow through a pipe. When that pipe is located in a sewer, only so much of, well, you can guess, can flow through it. At this point the sewer system in northwest Calgary is taking about as much as it can handle, until a new part of it is completed in 2017. That means a whole lot of new houses, offices, schools and other buildings have to wait to be finished — or they have to build a privy or something.

We’d guess that when an outhouse freezes over, it’s not a pretty sight.