Day: December 9, 2013

The McBournie Minute: Actors to replace Paul Walker, ranked

A little over a week ago, we lost one of the greatest actors of our time. Paul Walker’s death reminds us all that our time here is short. To just about everyone, that means cramming as much entertainment into our lives as we can. That’s why, in just a few days, the public’s reaction to the news went from sadness to thoughts about the next Fast & Furious movie.

Sure, there were people who shared their thoughts about his work. There were articles published about how Walker did all sorts of charity work, but didn’t really want to advertise it. But when that silliness was over, people got down to what really mattered to them: What about the movie they were working on?

While no one can replace the acting talent of Walker, the franchise does need someone to take over as Brian O’Connor, the racer-turned-cop-turned-racer. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Actors to replace Paul Walker, ranked

Subcontinental New Jersey: drink it up

Did science try looking for water in Wal-Mart before going to Jersey? It's not much better, but it's still better.
Did science try looking for water in Wal-Mart before going to Jersey? It’s not much better, but it’s still better.

Contrary to what ubiquitous Coca-Cola advertising would have you believe, the human race drinks more water than any other liquid. (Granted, water is the biggest ingredient in Coke, but shut up.) You could even say we’re addicted to water, especially when it’s mixed with fermented hops and barely.

And people (if we can call you that), we have hit rock bottom.

As our aquifers of freshwater run out, we’re looking for new sources of our fix. Among these possibilities are a series of untapped freshwater reserves located under our oceans. And the biggest one found so far is off the coast of New Jersey.

Yes, the water in which these people (if it's OK to say that) swim. So, at least it's coconut-flavored from tanning oil.
Yes, the water in which these people (if it’s OK to say that) swim. So, at least it’s coconut-flavored from tanning oil.

The people call for Caramel the turkey’s head

Citizens are upset by the actions of President Barack Obama, and they are making their grievances known. In a petition, the people are making their stance clear: Caramel the turkey must die.

This fall, the White House set up an online vote for either Popcorn or Caramel this year’s official Thanksgiving turkey. Popcorn won the vote, but both turkeys were given a pardon by Obama. The Internet believed that the winner of the contest would be saved, and the loser would end up on a plate. Since that didn’t happen, nearly 100,000 people have signed a petition demanding that Caramel be executed.

Justice must be served. Preferably with a side of mashed potatoes and candied yams.