Glenlivet let die

It doesn't excuse James' inability to understand the word "no," but it does help explain it.
It doesn’t excuse James’ inability to understand the word “no,” but it does help explain it.

So, you know how we joked about sending James Bond’s tab to NASA and letting those rocket scientists figure it out? Yeah, well we just got the results back. And James Bond should be permanently embalmed right now, and we don’t mean in a place of honor next to Lenin by his old Cold War nemeses.

As the annual goof study in the Christmas issue of the British Medical Journal, researchers counted every drink 007 consumed in the original books and parsed them out over the number of days portrayed in each.

Over a total of 123½ days (excluding 36 days when he wasn’t able to drink), the mean amount of Bond’s liquor consumption was 92 units per week. He drank a total of 9,201.2 grams of straight alcohol.

Oh, James.

By their estimate, that means that Commander Bond couldn’t operate his other PPK, much less a mini-helicopter, Russian tank or submarine car.

And his drunkest day? When he shot this helicopter down with a rifle in From Russia with Love, most likely by accident.
And his drunkest day? When he shot this helicopter down with a rifle in From Russia with Love, most likely by accident.

Published by

Rick Snee

Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of "moron," some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and -- on one occasion -- a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven't heard of it). Really, he's just one of The Guys, y'know?