I just read today that there are plans to relaunch The Naked Gun. Paramount probably sees this as a safe bet, especially since the series’ biggest names, Leslie Neilsen, Ricardo Montalban and Priscilla Presley, are dead, and O.J. Simpson is in jail. They’re going to have Ed Helms star as Lt. Frank Drebin. It’s a terrible idea. It’s not the casting, it’s that the movie was made at a time when wackier comedy was acceptable, plus it was incredibly clever. Comedies today have to be darker or raunchier. It’s about shock value. It’s not better, it’s just different, and The Naked Gun series can’t work like that. If you were busy releasing your secret album this week, odds are you missed it.
You’d better watch out
The U.S. is edging closer to another budget crisis, but the big news this week was the debate on whether Santa Claus is white. It began when Slate’s Aisha Harris argued that, given the increasing racial diversity of the country, perhaps the fictional person we claim brings us presents shouldn’t always be a honky. Fox News’ Megyn (pronounced “May-gine,” I believe) Kelly said there’s no debating it, Santa Claus is white and always has been. Considering his first name sounds Spanish, he’s got to be some shade of brown.
Baseball players are about to get even wimpier
Major League Baseball announced this week that it is considering banning the collision at home plate, which has ended up injuring a lot of catchers. The announcement was met with criticism, with some saying that railroading the catcher, trying to knock the ball out of his glove as you reach home plate, is a time honored tradition. If this keeps up, slapping a teammate on the ass will wind up with a sexual harassment lawsuit.
His crown is frozen to his head
After two weeks of trekking through the cold, Prince Harry reached the South Pole today. The excursion was done for charity, and involved three teams of Brits, Americans and British-owned countries. Is there any chance that we can send Congress there?