Not so many years ago, there were all sorts of good shows on network TV. There were some flops here and there, but for the most part, there were a lot of shows still well-known today. That hasn’t been the case for a long time, and it probably won’t happen again.
Tonight, How I Met Your Mother comes to an end. Its passing will probably be an emotional one for those who have followed the show for its nine seasons, because they have watched the characters go through a lot of things, and not all of them seemingly relevant in the end. For me it marks the end of really any network shows that are worth the time.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU, YOU BASTARDS! Clark Coll, don’t tell me that you had no choice. You always had a choice, and when the choice involves getting rid of edible peanut butter, that choice is Chris Taylor!
Someone needs to get Chugs a plane ticket to New Mexico now.
It seems that America has finally gotten serious about educating its youth. It’s cheap, it’s viral and it’s something kids actually want to do. As if on cue, educators have a problem with it.
It’s called the eraser game, and unlike other viral games these days, it doesn’t involve eating or drinking anything. All you have to do is rub an eraser on your skin while reciting the alphabet. When finished proving that he or she knows their ABCs, the student then shows the reddened skin, which sometimes bleeds.
This is proof that education, like the most visible scars on our bodies, is often self-inflicted.
Alright, alright. You won. But you don’t have to showboat in the your-zone. It’s called sportsmanship.
It’s been a fantastic run by Japan, but it looks like one of the last few fronts in the War on Whales is shutting down. The International Court of Justice in The Hague ordered Japan to end its research on the enemy, all based on the flimsy argument that there’s no evidence that killing whales is research.
Did Japan only start killing whales for research after the 1986 moratorium? No. They killed 2, 100 in the 34 years before commercial whaling was banned in 1986. (Thanks, Star Trek IV.) So, it stands to reason that the 14,000 they’ve killed in the 24 years since is because they’re so much better at research now and not because research is the only excuse to do it.
So, thanks a lot, the U.N. And thank you, too, Australia, who took Japan to court over this in the first place. We could have learned so much about dead whales, but now we’ll get their songs stuck in our heads while studying live ones.
I own the rights to this photo. EAT IT, VIACOM LEGAL TEAM!
I have to be straight with you: I didn’t do a March Mental Illness bracket this year. I don’t think I did one last year. There wasn’t any particular reason, I just didn’t really feel like doing it. When I tell people I didn’t do a bracket, they look at me as if I said I don’t like puppies. I’m considering telling people I didn’t do it because I have a crippling gambling addiction. If you were busy trotting out your black hole theory this week, odds are you missed it.
Internet stops making jokes, being racist, to point out racist joke
This week, The Colbert Report did a send-up of the Washington Redskins Original Americans Foundation, which was created this week. On his show, Stephen Colbert announced he was forming the “Ching-Chong Ding-Dong Foundation for Sensitivity to Orientals or Whatever.” The show’s Twitter account then sent out a corresponding tweet, and Twitter called it racist. Then other people said it’s satire, not racism. How many breaks can Dan Snyder get?
Hope meets pope
President Barack Obama and Pope Francis met for the first time this week. They celebrated by giving each other weird gifts. The pope gave Obama two medallions and a copy of the book he wrote. Obama gave Pope Francis some carrot seeds in a box made from wood from the first cathedral to open in the U.S. Less than an hour later, The Colbert Report tweeted, “Hey, did you hear the one about the priest and the black guy?”
Ug, those two again
Actress Gweneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin announced that after being married for a decade that they are “consciously uncoupled.” It’s not clear why they didn’t use English in their announcement, but it makes me now wonder what constitutes an unconscious uncoupling would entail.
This puts us in a strange situation. We don’t like that the U.S. Navy has trained animals how to kill us, but if the Russians have such technology, it makes sense that we should, too. In fact, if Russian dolphins ever attack, the U.S. can deploy its arsenal of dolphins, whales, seals, sea lions, sharks and birds to fend them off.
So police, maybe you can just call it a Mulligan and not arrest Jermaine Jones? He’s naked, riding a tricycle, eating glass, eating cigarette tobacco, and worst of all, in New Jersey. Dude’s hard up.
Chariklo comes with a couple of rings, just like an order of Burger King fries.
Somebody must have liked the asteroid, Chariklo, because they put a ring on it.
Chariklo, orbiting between Saturn and Uranus,* is the first non-planetary object observed with rings. It joins Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune in the interstellar Bling Ring Club.
*We don’t know when astronomers started pronouncing Uranus as “ur-uh-nus” instead of “ur-A-nus,” but you’re not fooling anybody, planetarium DJs and hosts of Cosmos. It’s A-nus.
The past month has been blurring into one big busy session after another. I’ve not had a moment to watch a movie even on Netflix, much less in the theater or visit a Redbox machine.
But I’ve made time for television. And baby, let me tell you, while I may be prone to hyperbole, I really don’t think it’s that much of a hyperbole when I say that we’re in a golden age of television. Despite the Duck Dynasties, despite the Kardashians, despite the NCISCSI Intent of Interest, despite all of the reality competitions, there is some really great stuff on television. Let’s take a look at some of my new favorites for the season, shall we? Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: Catch-all
Welcome to the marine version of Normandy, also known as Boynton Beach. While Florida is not always known for the best of, well, anything, this town might have finally made a turning point, and all thanks to a youngster.
Adam Fisk was casually kayaking in the water, as … 22 year olds (?) … Floridians (?) … kayakers (?) are known to do, when a hammerhead shark appeared. While not as cutthroat a shark as the Great White or the Tiger, it’s still a monster of the waters. We’re not saying that Adam should have feared the monster, but caution should’ve probably been put into effect.
Fisk would have none of that. With a clever mind, he manipulated the beast into latching onto his fishing bait. But it gets better. He then maneuvered the shark into towing him for 8 miles. Manipulation? Gaining ground? Adam Fisk, you are most certainly our Warrior of the Week.
