Dementia: possibly our greatest ally in the war

It’s not shameful to admit that alligators can be worrisome enemies. Deceptively speedy, they have a bite that is terrifying at best and fatal at worst. They’re extremely territorial, and that death roll of theirs is dynamite, just like a killer bunny. Normal people should avoid them.

Now, we’re not saying that we should give ground to them. Far from it. In fact, an older woman in Florida may be slowly winning the war. Residents in a neighborhood have caught her feeding an alligator. This is a regrettable act. We truly should be starving them, as that’s an effective way to win the war. Luckily, they’ve also caught her yelling at the alligator. We approve of that tactic. By demoralizing the troops, we can slowly but surely put a hatchet in the war.

We can also put a hatchet in the war by putting a hatchet into the heads of our enemies. Just throwing that out there.