Day: April 4, 2014

Another April Fool’s Day has come and gone. Did you get fooled? Actually I don’t care. One day a year, everyone thinks it’s a good idea to stop accidentally spreading misinformation on the internet, and take a day to willfully spread misinformation on the internet, because it’s funny. Actually, it’s just annoying. All your female friends on Facebook announce that they’re pregnant, like they did last year, and actual news outlets get caught thinking outlandish falsehoods are actual news. I like you better when you’re calling each other Hitler while discussing peanut butter brands, internet. If you were busy announcing your retirement from The Late Show this week, odds are you missed it.

This controversy brought to you by Samsung
One of the worst things about the age of camera phones is the selfie. People hate it when you post them (unless there’s cleavage), it’s a scientific fact. So it makes sense that Samsung is using the selfie as part of its marketing campaign. When your world champion Boston Red Sox visited the White House this week, slugger David Ortiz took a selfie with President Barack Obama. Naturally, it was a stunt by Samsung, allowing people outside of New England yet another reason to hate the Red Sox.

‘LOL, James Franco thinks I’m cute’
Elsewhere on the internet, James Franco found himself in hot water this week. Franco, 35, (He’s that old? Jesus.) Flirted with a 17-year-old Scottish girl who met him at his Broadway show. He asked her how old she was, whether she had a boyfriend, and if he should get a hotel room. He even sent her a photo of himself to prove that it was really him hitting on her. Naturally, the girl told everyone about it. Once again, selfies are a bad idea.

Will legislate for food
Rep. Jim Moran, D-Va., said that he believes lawmakers should get paid more. He said that while they make $174,000 a year, many members of Congress have to rent small apartments in the out-of-control Washington housing market. Moran said it’s gotten so bad lawmakers can barely afford the hush money for their mistresses.

The French aren’t known for being very warlike, at least in recent centuries. But they may be leading the way in infiltrating enemy ranks.

Abraham Poincheval, a French artist, is living inside the body of a bear until April 13. He’s not leaving the bear’s body for artist reasons. But we know the real reason he’s making it his own personal tauntaun: he’s learning how to trick bears into thinking he’s one of them.

The best way to defeat an enemy is to know it from the inside out.

So, let’s just get this out now: Harvard has multiple books that are bound in flesh. Here is what we know:

1. This is not an April Fool’s Day joke.
2. Sam Raimi has not attended Harvard University.

What we don’t know: if they have ever had an employee by the name of Professor Knowby.

If there’s one thing we should all have learned by now, it’s that you can’t force making a social media web site go viral. That’s why the U.S. Agency for International Development — a government agency in charge of foreign aid — should have made a list of Google Pluses and minuses before investing in a Twitter knockoff to artificially foment a #CubanSpring.

The U.S. managed to lure in 40,000 followers on ZunZuneo (golfclap for naming it after the Zune) by keeping things innocuous at first, posting about soccer, music and hurricane updates. Which is probably how this project failed from the get-go: Americans can’t talk about soccer without mentioning Manchester or getting really defensive about MLS.

So, as you may have noticed, a Castro is still in charge of Cuba. Also, the service turned to sh*t when they tried to make an app for it. So, it’s safe to say that Zun-ZunZuneo (woah-oh) is the mistake we all could have seen had we only been asked before the government spent our money on it.