Day: April 16, 2014

So, Jenny McCarthy made a public statement about vaccines and autism again, most likely because of recent news about the mumps, measles and whooping-cough making huge comebacks based directly on views she and the rest of the Indigo Mothers Brigade foisted on the world.

Of course, McCarthy is denying ever saying that parents should not vaccinate their children (even though countless sources demonstrate that, yes, she most certainly did).

She also managed to repeat other dangerous advice in her “didn’t say not to vaccinate” letter like waiting to get certain vaccinations … while sitting in a waiting room with kids who have also not been vaccinated.

As a fake Internet doctor (a practicing internetalist), this matter concerns me gravely. But not because of Jenny McCarthy’s blithering celebrity supermom idiocy. I’m concerned that plastic surgery isn’t working anymore.

Continue reading Take it from Dr. Snee: Why Jenny McCarthy matters

For years, we’ve hoped and believed in the concept of social Darwinism: the weaker, more negligent aspects and traits of our cultures and society would go bye-bye and as such, our world would become stronger. Slowly but surely, with the rise of reality television, the decline of reading, the erosion of the English language and the horsemen of the apocalypse known as Jeff Dunham’s puppets, my faith has wavered. And now it’s dead.

A mother lost track of her toddler-age son. Later, the son was found. Across the street. At the bowling alley. In a claw machine. When removed from the machine, the child was even given a stuffed animal.

That’s not how we should treat the situation. The child should have become the newest prize inside of the claw machine. Social Darwinism is officially dead.

As has become tradition in red states since the 2008 election, House Speaker John Boehner faces a primary challenge this year from Tea Party candidates. What’s not so traditional is how stiff the competition has become for the top-ranking Republican in the federal government.

J.D. Winteregg, a high school teacher and suprisingly not a children’s book author pen name, is one of Speaker Boehner’s three primary challengers. And of those three, he’s the only one to run an ad that accuses the speaker of “electile dysfunction.”

‘Sometimes, when a politician has been in DC too long, it goes to his head and he just can’t seem to get the job done. Used on a daily basis, Winteregg in Congress will help you every time the moment is right to have your voice heard on the federal level.’

How do you know if you are experiencing E.D.? Symptoms may include “extreme skin discoloration,” smoking, golf, and the “inability to punch oneself out a wet paper bag or maintain a spine in the face of liberal opposition.”

The question remains, however, if Winteregg can keep it up until November. You’ll hear from us first if he doesn’t pull out early.

Penis.

Hello there, friend. Are you tired of arguing with your spouse or significant other? Is your old lady nagging you? Maybe it’s time you made a snack.

According to a study by Ohio State University (we left off “the” just to troll them), being hangry is a real thing. Researchers found that couples were more likely to put pins in a voodoo doll provided to them to represent their spouse if their blood sugar levels were low. Meaning, as long as you feed someone, they are less likely to dabble in the dark arts. Or, if they hadn’t eaten in a while, they were less likely to control their anger.

Good god, this means the Snickers commercials are right.