Month: July 2014

A warning about the perils of climate change? An action vehicle for Chris Evans of Captain America fame to kick some more ass in a less polished outfit? An anti-capitalist tale of the proletariat revolution? A religious allegory? Snowpiercer is all of those and so much more, and definitely worth the price of admission. Yes, it’s a sci-fi action film, but it is one of the most purely exciting, compelling and thought-provoking cinematic experiences I’ve had in recent memory. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Snowpiercer’

Extra, extra, read all about!

Barkhamsted citizens to one, single, solitary d’bag: “No more pickanick baskets to the bears! You’re killing us!”

One Connecticut man, presumably a horrible and disgusting hippy, has decided to feed the bears from his backyard, putting the entire town in danger. We’re not necessarily saying that he should be tarred and feathered, but, y’know, it wouldn’t exactly hurt things if he was.

Drones: we’re not really sure about them. Overseas, people hate them for fear they will rain down fire upon them. Here in the U.S. we’re torn between hating them, because the government could spy on us, and loving them, because one day they could bring us stuff so we never have to go outside again.

Here’s another thing they can do: smuggle stuff in to prisons. Officials at a maximum security prison in South Carolina said this week that a crashed drone was found in some bushes on the grounds. It had smokes, marijuana and cell phones. Having seen both seasons of Orange is the New Black, we can tell you that those things aren’t really allowed in prison.

That means that someone was flying the drone and its illicit cargo into the prison. This seems like a great time to introduce our new illicit cargo air transportation service, “SeriouslyDrones.”

Some events in our lifetime tend to embody the spirit of the people involved a bit more than others. Kanye West putting an end to Coinye, the Bitcoin currency clone, truly seems like quite the Kanye-esque move.

That said, just like the Black Knight, Coinye ain’t quite dead yet.

West sued Coinye over using his likeness and name without his permission, essentially winning the decision thanks to many of the plaintiffs not showing up. As such, Kanye has raised his arms up in the air, presumably wearing leather jogging pants and telling his tale while on a moving motorcycle. That said, the judge hasn’t signed off on the judgement, and even then, clones of this clone have started to appear!

This is what gay fish do: they multiply.

Things are getting a bit … North Korea-y in Venezuela a year after Hugo Chavez’s death.

First, his successor, Nicolas Maduro, claims to have twice received otherworldly visits/messages from Chavez in the form of birds.

Then, Venezuela’s ruling Socialist Party declared Chavez their “eternal leader.”

And now, party supporters have launched a font patterned after Chavez’s handwriting: ChavezPro.

The joke’s on the Socialists, though. Although they distribute the file for free in accordance with their principles, Hot Topic will make millions off of it by printing it on $30 t-shirts.

The scientists at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in Tennessee are smart people, unfortunately, they also have southern accents. Guess how things went when the lab offered classes to change that?

Our guess is that it’s pretty easy being a human resources person at a federally funded national laboratory. That means that putting on classes to improve worker abilities must be challenging. Helping people get rid of their southern accents must have seemed like a good plan, after all, regardless of how smart you are, your accent doesn’t get the best press. HR people probably got tired of hearing people say “nucular.”

As you may have guessed, staff at the lab complained, and the accent reduction class was cancelled, y’all.

Like many of you. I too was outraged over the joke of a suspension handed down by one Roger Goodell to Baltimore Ravens’ running back Ray Rice last week. Yes, I will clear the air and say that part of my outrage was because I am a Steelers’ fan, we’ll get to that later though.

First off, I get it, players need to be punished for violating the league’s personal conduct policy. Every line of work has a way they want you to conduct yourself, now when that line of work has you in the public eye, actions that may not be punished by other jobs, means that there needs to be an example made of you. I’m not necessarily saying to be fired, though that has happened in TV and radio, but especially in professional sports, fines and suspensions are necessary. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Ray bans

As much as we may make fun of Canadians for being so Canadian, at least their police forces know who the enemy is.

Some tourists, two parents and two infants, were enjoying a nice drive on Prince Edward Island when a tree fell onto their car. Luckily, the occupants weren’t hurt, but the car roof and windshield were damaged. An investigation found that a beaver had cut down the tree, perhaps even timing it to hit the car.

Authorities actually said that “the beaver is still at large,” which seems to mean they want it to answer for its crime.

The latest star of the Internet, the woman in black, has now been seen through the southern tip of Ohio. Who is the woman in black, you may ask?

She’s a woman. Wearing black clothing (warning: autoplay).

Is she a hero? Is she a villain? A messiah? A harbinger of doom? What is her purpose? These are all questions that are being asked, because rather than ask the woman herself, the news decides it’s a lot easier to speculate and ask random citizens about her. #journalism

A hundred years ago today the World War I: The Phantom Menace began. Unless we’re talking about birthdays or wedding anniversaries, marking the years since an event happened really doesn’t serve much more purpose other than to sell books or fill time on Pardon The Interruption. (What is it with those guys? They have a “Happy Ann’y” for the most meaningless stuff in sports.)

However, marking a century since the beginning of a massive war that claimed at least 39 million lives seems somewhat appropriate, doesn’t it? After all, WWI gave us some of the 20th century’s greatest hits: machine guns, poison gas and Adolf Hitler, all of which have made American movies what they are today.

But it almost never happened. In fact, the whole thing only occurred because one guy was hungry. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The deli that changed the world