U.S. country singer and face on your mom’s over-sized sleep shirt, Garth Brooks, only wants to perform five concerts in Ireland. And if he can’t have five shows, then he won’t perform at all.
Now Irish business groups are worried that “the Garth Brooks saga” will damage their tourism industry and upcoming bids for the Rugby World Cup and soccer competitions.
The last time a Garth Brooks saga threatened this much destruction was when that Chris Gaines guy started playing his shows.
Don’t anybody in Salem, Oregon, move! A crime has been perpetrated! Yes, a crime most foul has been committed: Humpty Dumpty fell off his wall and may not be able to be put back together again.
Oregon, attempting to bring back the hippy movement, has an Enchanted Forest in the town of Salem. In said grove of enchantments once lied Humpty Dumpty … or at least, a statue. I mean, it’d be weird to have a real life Humpty Dumpty, but a statue is nice and sane.
Regardless, two men were looking to get a photo with the Eggy One, but walls are only made to hold statues of egg men, not statues of egg men and two male adults, and tumbling came the wall, along with Humpty. In place of all the king’s men is Roger Tofte, the artist that originally came up with the statue. There’s no confirmation yet that the two men have been charged with eggicide, which may or may not be a crime that we just came up with.
You guys, Kelsey Grammer may be on Twitter to correct your grammar, but the CIA is on it just to make you laugh. Because that’s what good spies do. (All of our knowledge about spying is based on episodes of Get Smart.)
The CIA joined Twitter just one month ago with the yuck-inducer, “We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.” And to celebrate a month on the site without accidentally sending out dong pics, it tweeted this gem:
No, we don’t know where Tupac is. #twitterversary
— CIA (@CIA) July 7, 2014
What a riot! If only they’d been on Twitter for the anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. Gold. Mine. Clearly, the “C” stands for “comedy.”