Day: July 9, 2014

In a 5-4 decision last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that “closely-held” for-profit businesses, like Hobby Lobby, don’t have to comply with a part of the Affordable Care Act that requires employers to provide complete medical coverage. Instead, they can select plans that don’t cover certain forms of birth control that their owners believe equal abortion and force the government or insurance companies to pay for it the way that church-run nonprofits can.

And I, for one, am glad that we finally have five supreme justices who understand that, really, there is no difference between, say, the Green family, who owns of Hobby Lobby, and, oh, the Archdiocese of New York.

Because, while some Panicky Penelopes may worry about the decision opening the door to businesses discriminating against those of different faiths or backgrounds, what this really means is that American has finally taken the ultimate step to outright worshiping our only true god: money.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: My business’ god can beat up your business’ god

For the however many number-nth time, SeriouslyGuys doesn’t not publicly advocate the act of committing a crime, no matter how large or small it may seem. That said, we sure wouldn’t mind a better breed of villain, or at the very least, a smarter variety, even if the dumber kind keep us in business.

Example: no matter what you think, if you’re fleeing the scene of a crime and you need a getaway vehicle, while it’s good to put emphasis on the ‘getaway’ part of the phrase, you really should put more emphasis on the ‘vehicle’ aspect.

Darden Restaurants, Inc., the parent company of family feedbags with stupid stuff on the walls like LongHorn, has decided to sell off Red Lobster and drastically remodel Olive Garden.

The Olive Garden redesign will include a new logo, a more open floor layout, smaller menu items and being able to order food from your phone and then stare at your phone in the parking lot until someone brings reheated lasagna to your car.

Red Lobster, however, will most likely now sleep with the fishes. Way to go, America. Now where are we going to meet Shooter McGavin?

The following has been translated for those who do not live in the Midwest.

Last fall, an Oklahoma farmer lost his iPhone in a grain bin. (Translation: Apparently they have cell service even out on the farms of Oklahoma. One farmer dropped his in one of those big silos you see on farms.)

Nine months later, he received a call from a worker in Japan who found it and sent it back to him. (See, the U.S. doesn’t use all of the grain it produces. It exports quite a bit of it. And the farmer’s grain–and phone–were exported to Japan. The farmer’s iPhone was probably wasn’t the latest version, which means it’s worthless in Japan, even to a grain mill worker.)

The farmer was glad to have his phone returned to him. (Even though he probably replaced it the week it went missing.)