The McBournie Minute: Amusement parks are out to get you

Summer time is perfect for doing stupid stuff. You and your friends are outside enjoying the warm weather, and between the beers you’ve been pounding and the sun beating down on you for hours, you’re dumb enough to make some bad choices. Plus, there’s usually some fire and/or sharp things around, which are essential tools for bad drunken ideas.

Fortunately, it’s also the time of year when people head to theme parks. They flock to these places, because there’s no summer memory that is as indelible as throwing up Sno-Cones on the scores of people below the ride you’re on. It’s a nice, safe, occasionally clean place to go with your family.

But unfortunately, it’s not safe from the mayhem of summer, either. At least if you go to Florida. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Amusement parks are out to get you

Coney Island suffers aerial Godwinning

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If it makes the Raelians, Hindus and Buddhists feel better, Americans lost a cool, fun symbol to assh*les, too.

On Saturday, July 12th — a day that will live in ambivalence — people with misplaced priorities launched an unprovoked shock campaign on Coney Island and Long Island, New York. Using a banner plane, they flew a banner displaying swastikas, including one over the Star of David, as part of their efforts to “rehabilitate” the symbol.

The sponsors, ProSwasika.org, is tired of everyone instantly associating the swastika with the fairly recent extermination of 11 million people. Instead, they’d rather we associate it with good luck and good will, for which the symbol was originally intended, even though you can express the same sentiment with literally any other symbol. Millions of them, guys, that never flew over a death factory.

Just like a pair of favorite jeans after Tacos and Laxativos Night, there are certain things that can never be made unclean.

Spanish bulls are camera shy

We need to stop taking selfies, people.

Everyone likes updating their social media profile pictures, but no one likes the hassle of asking a friend to take a photo for them. That’s why we have selfies. But now, these things are just dangerous. It’s become a problem at the Tour de France, but no one cares, because that’s just guys on bikes hitting stupid people in the road. But now, someone has taken a selfie while running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

Now, the man, who somehow survived the ordeal and wasn’t even among the gored, faces a hefty fine. Because ritualistically murdering bulls in front of thousands is one thing, but snapping a picture with them is just inhumane.

Judgement Day edges that much closer

As we all know from the time-displaced documentaries that are The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, a nuclear assault will be launched at us via the robots. There will be a flash and then a significant amount of children swinging on swing sets will be turned into skeletons.

But what if we changed the future – but not enough? What if now the robots don’t use a nuclear assault on us, but another approach? Perhaps, say, a viral assault? Maybe germ warfare?

Because that sure as heck seems like what is about to happen in Passavant Hospital.