You Missed It: Bill of health edition

CNN's new dating service is very exclusive.
CNN’s new dating service is very exclusive.

Man, did you hear what George R.R. Martin said about his next book? There’s going to be more death. If you’re a fan of the books or the HBO show Game of Thrones, you’ll know that this is a huge spoiler, because no one ever dies. I can’t wait to see how this completely changes up the series, and then wait another seven years for the book after that. If you were busy dumping dumping water over your head only seconds after putting ice cubes in it this week, odds are you missed it.

The only positive news of the week
Two America humanitarian workers who contracted the Ebola virus were released from their respective hospitals after responding well to experimental treatments. They made headlines weeks ago when the federal government flew them back from Africa, where they had been treating sick people. Their families are said to be relieved that they have recovered, but not exactly in a hurry to welcome them back home.

Not able to Reid the room
Sen. Harry Reid issued an apology this week after making some racially insensitive comments while speaking at the Las Vegas Asian Chamber of Commerce. He jokingly said to the group something to the effect of how they aren’t all as smart as their stereotype would have us believe. Reid later said he was sorry for the comment, and that he “sometimes says the Wong thing.”

50 Cent sets an example for the kids
Boxer Floyd Mayweather has been challenged to read a book on Jimmy Kimmel Live. In a series of Instagram videos, rapper 50 Cent has been challenging Mayweather to read The Cat in the Hat to prove that he is in fact literate. Does anyone remember back when beefs were actually cool?

College, football, beer, what?

In a completely shocking move, colleges are looking to … tap … into the beer business to help with money. The real shocker, is that it’s 2014 and these schools with football teams actually realize this, meanwhile The Guys figured this out at Radford University over 10 years ago.

Hero of the Week: Peter Schorsch

In Starbucks drinkers' defense, they understand charity about as much as they understand coffee.
In Starbucks drinkers’ defense, they understand charity about as much as they understand coffee.

Let us be clear: when we say the Peter Schorsch is a hero this week, we’re not being sarcastic. This isn’t an entry in our occasional “Big Man of the Day” series. We really and truly think that Schorsch was dead on for calling out Starbucks’ unofficially-branded “Pay it Forward” campaign and refusing to buy overpriced coffee for the next person in line.

As Schorsch put it:

‘It just seems like a First World problem to me. Middle-class people sitting in their cars at a drive-thru, sipping a $5 drink and worry about someone breaking the ranks [and not buying the next person in line their coffee.]’

After all, how did Schorsch learn about this particular location’s “Pay it Forward” streak? From online postings about that Starbucks’ previous day’s streak of 458 people, and then the barista directly asking him if he wanted to buy the next person’s coffee while ordering.

In other words, it wasn’t a spontaneous act of human kindness. And, what’s the damn difference if everyone’s paying for someone else’s cup of coffee as opposed to their own? That’s just buying your own Starbucks while somehow managing to feel even smugger about it. (And that’s despite not knowing how cheap and easy it is to make coffee at home.)

So, bravo, Peter Schorsch! Just be careful the next time you piss off improperly-caffeinated people behind you in line.

Champagne is now like mother’s milk

Sure, booze is great, but what’s the point of drinking it if you can’t show everyone how fancy you are? The key to that is having the right glass for your drink. And if you’re drinking champagne, we’ve got a new glass to show off your class.

You can now sip your Cristal from a coupe shaped like Kate Moss’ boob — her left one, to be exact. It’s said, and probably false, that the first champagne coupe, crafted in the 18th century, was molded from Marie Antoinette’s left breast. If this is true, perhaps the French Revolution was actually about bubbly. Moss sat down with a British artist to do the same thing with her 40-year-old breasts.

So what were champagne flutes molded from?