The McBournie Minute: New York, the new capital of extreme sports

For the past, oh let’s say 13 years, America has kind of been on a tight security kick. There’s more crap you have to go through to get into important buildings, and stadiums are using security as an excuse to check your bags for outside food. And to make sure everyone is safe, you have to take your shoes off at the airport.

One city with a mentality toward security is New York City, naturally. It only makes sense that a city that was once attacked in a horrific way would take steps to ensure it never happened again. After losing so many lives and such a symbol of pride, New York City is more secure than ever.

And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge for you to scale. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: New York, the new capital of extreme sports

Sobering news: U.S. lags behind other countries in drinking

Did you support America over the weekend? According to the World Health Organization, probably not.

According to the WHO, Americans over the age of 15 drank 9.2 liters of pure alcohol per capita in 2010. That may sound like a lot, but that puts us far below nearly every other country that doesn’t have an Islamic (teetotaler) majority. For example, Belarus was the drunkest, with 17.5 liters per capita.

Raise a glass and put America back on top. Are you doing your part?

Burger King wants taxes their way

The signs of their future Bendict Arnold-eque betrayal were there from the beginning with their obvious British loyalist corporate leanings.
The signs of their future Bendict Arnold-eque betrayal were there from the beginning with their obvious British loyalist corporate leanings.

There are few things more American than a beef sandwich (which is British) named after a town in Germany. But it looks like Burger King, after helping make America bigger for over 60 years, may take its Whopper north to Canada.

BK is looking to buy Tim Hortons, which is basically their Dunkin Donuts, but with cashiers who speak French instead of Spanish. Should the deal go through, then reports indicate that BK would move its headquarters to Canada. This inversion deal would allow BK to continue less-than-subtly trolling the Big Mac with its Big King in the U.S. without paying U.S. corporate taxes.

We, of course, should have foreseen BK’s Benedict Arnold-esque retreat to Canada. By not naming any of their burgers after their weight in pounds, they won’t have to rebrand any products in their new metric system-using home.

Because people that wear white pants shouldn’t have to feel ill

The rich are not like you or I. They’re clearly more important to society than me or you. That said, no matter how financially wealthy you are, the great equalizer is not booze, but the morning after booze. The hangover is the worst feeling in the world. NO ONE CAN ENJOY IT, NOT EVEN MASOCHISTS.

But fret not! Rich people are now able to lessen the time span required to dealing with this blight upon mankind! The IV Doctor will come to your place within 30 minutes, insert a needle filled with body restoring solution into your arm and soon you’ll be on your way to another glorious day filled with working hard, playing hard and making those duckets, dawg. What’s two Benji Franks between feeling good?

Now, just a reminder: the IV is simply a remedy to a hangover, not a prevention. Smart people, both rich and not rich, should probably stick with DrinkWel, the hangover preventer. It works.