Day: September 19, 2014

Ahoy me hearties! Tis’ the end o the week, and while normally the dread pirate, Bryan McBournie sails these here waters, this week he be in the dreaded wasteland known as “Ohio.” Alas, we must tread on and embark on the voyage known as the weekend, and if ye were busy making yerself look like a ship o’ fools during a NFL press conference, odds are ye missed it.

There be a new Aye Phone!
We heard a little parrot tell us there be a new phone that came out. People waited in line fer days for a device that they had the technology fer two years ago, overpaid in booty fer then acted like uppity wenches once they got it.

The Exempt List means ye be in Davy Jones Jake Locker
There be a league o not so extraordinary gentlemen that has a problem wit treating their maidens right. But the captains of these ships can’t figure out how to discipline their crew. The Ravens cut Ray Rice a few weeks ago, but then some magical “Commissioner’s Exempt List” became available fer Adrian Peterson and Greg Hardy. All o this smells fishy to us, but so does everything else, but remember, wear pink NFL gear in October!

We missed out on Braveheart 2
Scotland (we really don’t like things with land) decided te remain a part o Europe apparently. While this was a big deal across the great pond, all ye lasses in America could do was post memes o Mel Gibson.

Until next International Talk Like A Pirate Day, remember, the dread pirate Steve be in no man’s debt!

Gar, the contest between our beloved Buccaneers and Falcons, almost not be a contest. Ye see, prior to the Falcons showin’ the Bucs the rapier, Falcons’ Admiral, Matt Ryan was hit by a cannon, er, firework!

The Iranian government dropped charrrges against seven young lads and lasses fer making an “obscene video clip that offended the public morals and was released in cyberspace.” If ye be wonderin’ just what the little blighters were up to in said video, they were dancing to Pharrell Williams’ song “Happy.”

Six were originally sentenced to six months in prison and 91 lashes, and the seventh to  one year in addition to the lashings. However, all seven publicly apologized and promised t’ never again be lured into making what a Tehran police chief called a “vulgar clip that hurt public chastity.”

So, let this be a lesson to ye young Iranians: the floggings will cease when morale improves — improvement being from “Happy” to gruelingly chaste.

Avast! We be in for stormy waters ahead, and anybody that be makin’ a run for the border best be wary o’ what time their ship be a-sailin’.

Ye already be aware o’ those patronizing the lost land of Taco Bell be some of the worst landlubbers that ever set foot, but the case may be e’en worse. One spot in that cursed isle be turnin’ itself into a land full o’ fights for lass and lads once the sun be halfway through its job.

Now, ye may be drawin’ a conclusion that we at the good ship SeriouslyGuys be all for such a location. Ye be wrong. See, pirates be believin’ not in much, but we do have some rules when it comes to brawlin’ and rough-housin’. We have it on good authority that these children be refusin’ to do two t’ings:

1. No arms be akimbo when they line up for a duel.
2. Duel weapons be consistin’ o’ flintlocks and swords, not hot sauce.

It’s simply disgraceful.

‘Tis only one conclusion that ye need be drawin’: Taco Bell be full o’ bilge rats.

Ahoy there, mateys! Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day. The Guys will be postin’ accordin’ly, lest ye think we all had strokes overnight.

We love when the media be causin’ a panic an’ jumpin’ to conclusions. Remember “the knockout game” that wasn’t really a thing? We’re hopin’ the next craze be the armpit fire game.

Five teenagers in Idaho were injured in a crash when someone set the driver o’ the SUV’s armpit hair ablaze. It not be hard to imagine the panic when the captain o’ the land ship felt a burnin’. The local authorities charged the driver and the teen with the lighter.