Day: October 8, 2014

Look, sometimes, a terrorist may be dumb enough to leave their car unlocked. That’s the best and easiest way for the United States to get intel!

It’s been over a year since we reported that lab workers began successfully growing replacement vaginas. They’re still doing that, by the way, which has helped treat teenage women with medical conditions.

And now, we have the “his” model. Yes, we can nearly create and transplant lab-grown penises. It’s meant for males experiencing similar birth defects, but we’re positive that this medical breakthrough will in no way be exploited by the old, rich and horny.

But, if you are planning to shell out for an upgrade, it’s gonna be a little wait. The line starts forming for the iPud in five years while researchers continue to work the kinks out.

The kinks are in the shaft, by the way.

 

Penis.

The next time you’re going to the Philippines, don’t–especially not the Cebu City Zoo. They are trying to kill you.

In an effort to give parkgoers a unique experience, the zoo is offering python massages, which are exactly what they sound like. The idea is that the weight of the snakes and their slithery motions on you relaxes you and works out the kinks in your muscles.

That’s of course if you can forget that there are a bunch of snakes slithering across you, and they kill things by wrapping themselves around animals and squeezing the life out of them.