Day: November 11, 2014

Poor Pat Sajak. Well, not poor Pat Sajak. A 30-year steady paycheck on television is nothing to moan about. But still, it’s gotta suck hosting the sort of contestants who qualify for a multiple-choice spelling bee for adults.

Contestants on Monday’s Best Friends Week episode nearly broke Sajak, who still managed to keep it together with joke-rage. (You know, where you pretend to jokingly yell what you’re actually screaming in your head because it’s more polite than physical violence?)

Maybe Sajak gets to move up to Jeopardy when Alex Trebek retires.

Keep it moving. Keep it moving. It’s just the sky’s pleats.

Don’t act like you’re not impressed.

Teenagers beat adults.
Adults beat middle schoolers.
Middle schoolers beat teenagers.

It’s been a system in place for eons. Not only has it been true, but it’s worked. Why change something that’s successful?

Because people get greedy. And greedy people get hungry. Gabriel Taylor Smith is alleged to have been one of those greedy, hungry people. The teenager is purported to have taken a box of Girl Scout cookies from a pair of girls selling them. And he even might have been successful … had the girls not been middle schoolers. One of them took off after the lad, reclaiming the wagon full of cookies while also notifying others about the crime. Said others then followed him in his getaway vehicle. He was caught at a gas station and charged with misdemeanor theft.

Remember people: it’s not worth becoming the subject of a manhunt over overpriced snacks.

Everyone wishes they had more vacation time (except for Americans, who don’t use a great deal of theirs), but some of them want it so much that they would give up on the things that make vacations so much fun.

According to a not-very-scientific survey, nearly a quarter of workers would go without sex for just one more day of vacation. That’s just crazy talk, the internet is proof of that. Meanwhile 54% said they could go without junk food, showing once again that no Americans participated in the survey. When it comes to booze, a whopping 48% said they would be OK without it, as long as they got 24 more hours of being paid not to work.

This is what’s wrong with the world.