Day: January 23, 2015

People are all freaked out today that the company that owns SkyMall is filing for bankruptcy protection. I find this pretty baffling. First, because “filing for bankruptcy protection” isn’t a synonym for “going out of business.” Secondly, because it’s like not catalogs or any other form of printed periodicals have done very well in the last 15 years. And finally, have you every bought any of the junk they peddle? That’s why they’re hurting for cash. If you were busy making comebacks at lawmakers this week, odds are you missed it.

King Tut gets a makeover
This week, it was announced that the beard of King Tut’s famed golden burial mask was broken off and reattached with epoxy during cleaning sometime last year. The job was clearly rushed, and used the wrong type of adhesive was used. There’s now a gap between Tut’s chin and his beard, and Egyptian Museum officials worry some of the damage is permanent. To be fair, he’s been sporting the same look for over 3,000 years. It’s about time it was updated.

Debategate
The New England Patriots are going to the Super Bowl, but the media needs something to talk about to fill the two weeks until the big game. Enter the Indianapolis Colts. The team complained that the Patriots were using footballs that were underinflated, a violation of the rules, and a subsequent investigation found 11 of 12 Patriots balls weren’t filled to regulation minimums. Sports media, known for being level-headed, have called for coach Bill Belichick and quarterback Tom Brady to be suspended from the Super Bowl over rule about ball inflation that no one has ever cared about. The balls have been suspended for two games.

Company foolishly picks fight with Liam Neeson
This week, actor Liam Neeson was criticized for his comments about guns in the U.S., which is to say that he said anything about them. Neeson said that gun culture here has gotten out of hand, and that there are too many guns in America. Coming from a guy who’s been in a few action movies, this can sound a little odd, but reasonable. Still, PARA USA, the gun supplier for Taken 3, has called for a boycott of the new movie. This is where the firearm debate has led us: a man who glorifies guns in his movies says guns are glorified, and the gun industry, which suffers from a persecution complex anyway, tells people not to go see a movie that glorifies guns because the guy who glorifies them says guns are glorified.

In other bacon-related news …

The Chinese city of Dazhou has a wee bit of a pollution problem. Okay, maybe that was downplayed a bit, as the area has spent all of 2015 suffering from severe air pollution. That sounds pretty bad. It gets a little worse.

Officials are blaming it on bacon.

No blame is being thrown toward a bacon-producing factory, as one would expect, but its own citizens for smoking their bacon, an act that is not a euphemism. Environmental officials claim that the process, a centuries old tradition that has gained popularity as time has passed, releases a pollutant that is a key ingredient in the recipe that is “Breathing Problems.”

Children, mark this day in history, as you now know the first shot fired in the Internet-Dazhou War of 2015.

Relationship experts say that no matter where you are in life, communication is the only way to stay together. A New York state man may not believe in that.

James Rhein’s home had a crumbling foundation, and other parts of the house were in disrepair. So he rented a bulldozer and leveled the place. The only thing is that his wife hadn’t been notified of his plans.

“But now she’s over it,” Rhein said. “We’re good. I’m a good husband, what can I tell you?”