MOMA strikes first blow in war against annoying millennials

Selfie. It’s a word that just seems weird and a habit that feels born out of monstrous narcissism. We outwardly judge men that take them and share them and we secretly judge women that take them and share them. As well we should. The trend got even worse when a company decided to capitalize on undiagnosed narcissistic disorders and sell “selfie sticks,” devices that attach to phones in order to take the best selfie possible.

But not at New York City’s Museum of Modern Art.

Museum officials have decided that they can pose hazards to the artwork, mainly due to willfully neglectful morons, and as such, selfie sticks are now banned from MOMA. Other museums are considering doing the same thing. On the down side, ticket sales might be down for museums because of such bans, but on the plus side, you’ll never have to bump into some weird hipster that specializes in artisan duck cheese.

Snake terrorizes Vermont college campus

It’s well known that boa constrictors are taking over parts of Florida, but not so much in Vermont. That’s why students at one college there are on high alert.

A rainbow boa constrictor was discovered missing from its cage at Castleton State College last week and hasn’t been seen since. Authorities believe the snake was stolen, but that’s probably just a cover story to keep everyone calm. They don’t want the public to know that a deadly snake is on the loose, hunting college kids for sport.