Day: February 13, 2015

There was a lot of buzz this week when Facebook said it will add a feature that will allow a person of your choosing to take over your account in the event of your death. Are we really that self-important that we want people to continue posting as us after we’re gone? The only thing that should be done to your Facebook account after you die is deactivation. I have friends on Facebook who died years ago. They still show up on my friends list, and even in my contacts on my phone. It’s creepy, and I’d unfriend them if it didn’t make me feel bad. If you were busy announcing you were stepping down the “The Daily Show”  this week, odds are you missed it.

Justice take a nap
If you thought that President Obama’s State of the Union speech in January was boring, you’re not alone. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg this week admitted that she wasn’t sober during the speech, which may have been why she dosed off, despite having a front row seat. She said she’d had some wine, and since the justices can’t stand up or clap like everyone else in the room, it gets kind of boring. Considering what science taught us this week, Ginsberg may be on the bench well into the next century.

Viral marketing?
Firefighters were called to actor Pierce Brosnan’s beachfront house near Los Angeles this week when a fire erupted in his garage. The fire lasted for more than half an hour. Man, Q is not going to be happy when he finds out what happened to the latest Bond cars.

50 shades of amateurs
The movie 50 Shades of Grey is out, and it’s having quite an effect on Western civilization. Branded merchandise like masks, handcuffs, and probably brands, can be found in the same aisles as children’s toothpaste, a U.K. hardware store chain is training its workers to be ready for an increase in sales on tape, rope and cable ties. And now, hospitals are bracing for a rise in sex injuries. A recent analysis of annual emergency visits in the U.S. collected by the Consumer Product Safety Division has found a spike (heh) in visits around when raunchy books come out, especially for foreign body removals. Have fun this weekend, everyone!

We’re in a desperate war against animals, but the greatest enemy in the war may not actually be an animal, but a two-legged beast of sorts: white people who love to accept all cultures until some aspect of one that they randomly discover makes them shriek and then they spaz the eff out.

An Asian market in California has been selling raccoons, considered a delicacy in China. As they’re frozen, bagged and sold, it can reasonably be assumed that they are properly cleaned. That train of logic means nothing to one white woman, popping into the store to presumably shop (and perhaps show how culturally inclusive she is), discovered the frozen raccoons and has now made a ruckus of the product. Are the raccoons legal to sell?

CBS2 contacted a number of local agencies, including the LA County District Attorney’s office. However, none of them were immediately able to say whether selling raccoons as food was legal or not.

Who knows and who cares? Raccoons are vicious, contagion-bearing monsters. Less of them means less problems in the war.

Question: do chickens actually have tongues?

In the War on Animals, it’s not every day that we get support from local police forces, but today is one of those days.

The Merrimack Police Department in New Hampshire has issued an arrest warrant for Punxsutawney Phil relating to his recent forecast of six more weeks of winter. Authorities say the groundhog failed to disclose that six more weeks of winter would mean that New England would be buried in snow.

We can only hope the authorities in Pennsylvania will extradite Phil as soon as possible to ensure that justice is done.