MasterChugs Theater: ‘Whiplash’

Call it Rocky with snare drums. Call it Full Metal Hi-Hat. Call it Fame with a beat.

But whatever you do, don’t call director Damien Chazelle’s Whiplash bad. Because in a year without Birdman, this is your best picture of the year, without a single doubt.

That said, coming up second in that regard isn’t exactly something to be ashamed of. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Whiplash’

A peep into our future dairy addiction

Peeps and Prairie Farms have ruined milk in three flavors because f*ck you, that's why.
Peeps and Prairie Farms have ruined milk in three flavors because f*ck you, that’s why.

Not satisfied with ruining Easter, Halloween and the good name of the marshmallow, Peeps has now turned its sights onto the very opposite of sugar-frosted disgustingness: milk.

Peeps has partnered with Prairie Farms to develop Peeps-flavored milk. The companies plan to destroy any nutritional benefit to bone density and muscle development in three flavors: Marshmallow Milk, Chocolate Marshmallow Milk, and Easter Egg Nog. The milky-sugar delivery system will contain over three times more sugar than whole milk, “clocking in at 37 grams per cup,” and twice as much sodium — “320 mg per cup compared to 120 mg for a cup of the brand’s whole milk.”

A serving of whole milk contains 11 grams of sugar. For comparison, a 12-oz. bottle of Coca-Cola contains 39 grams of sugar.

So, congratulations, Peeps. You’ve brought a popular milk manufacturer over to the fat side and made millions of dentists across America very profitable.

Live long and vandalize

People grieve in their own ways. Some cry, some wail, some laugh and tell stories. Defacing money is certainly a new approach.

A litany of people were affected by the death of Leonard Nimoy last week. Some of those people were of the Canadian variety and have decided to draw over the image of Prime Minister Sir Wilfrid Laurier on their five dollar bill, changing Laurier into Spock, an act that has been dubbed as “Spocking.” Canada is full of MENSA candidates.

Having apparently nothing to do, the Bank of Canada has come out and said that while it’s not illegal to Spock the money, they’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t. That response is so Canadian and is totally the reason why we can’t take you seriously, Canada.

But wait, there’s more! We’re not exactly unfamiliar with the problems that Canadian money has brought about and there’s one more: the new notes will have a polymer that increases their resistance to defacement. In Canada, passive-aggressive governing is the only solution.

Study: If you have broadband access, you’re not safe from zombies

Scranton is the worst place to live. But we already knew that.
Scranton is the worst place to live. But we already knew that.

For a bunch of supposed professionals telling us that it’s not real, scientists sure are obsessed with the zombie apocalypse. This time, they’re telling us where in the country we should or shouldn’t go.

According to researchers as Cornell, when the zombie outbreak happens, your best bet is to go someplace where no one really lives. Specifically, Montana and Nevada. Apparently those places could go for months, while the rest of the U.S. is overtaken by the undead hordes.

The worst place to be is northeastern Pennsylvania, according to the study.