You Missed It: Engine failure edition

"Get off my plane--please, you're bending the wing."
“Get off my plane–please, you’re bending the wing.”

Sunday marks the beginning of Daylight Saving Time. Seems like it’s a little early this year, doesn’t it? I checked, and apparently it’s this time every year. But, like, winter’s not over. It hasn’t warmed up yet. It’s still snowing on the East Coast. How the hell are we supposed to set our clocks ahead so that we can have more daylight for farming? Seems like waiting for the ground to thaw would be prudent. If you were busy telling people off for making creepy comments about your daughter on Twitter this week, odds are you missed it.

Harrison Ford survives crash worthy of Harrison Ford
Actor Harrison Ford, 71, was injured on Thursday when he crashed his World War II training plane in California. The single-engine plane apparently had problems shortly after takeoff, and Ford tried to return to the landing strip. Doctors say the actor sustained a cut to his face, and broke his pelvis and ankle. He was praised for taking it down on a golf course, saving lives by missing homes nearby. But folks, he may have just saved us all from a Blade Runner sequel sure to tarnish the original.

Private secretary
This week, it was reported that while serving as secretary of state, Hillary Clinton used her personal email account for to conduct official business. The concern here is that the federal government doesn’t have control over her personal email address, so it can’t vouch for the security of those communications. She has since trotted out the campaign slogan, “Hillary 2016: I Only Use SnapChat Now.”

B like Mike
Forbes magazine this week published its annual list of billionaires, with Michael Jordan as the newest addition, even though it seems like he should’ve been on that list decades ago. Upon hearing the news, the few Atlantic City casinos still open issued Jordan a hearty congratulations and invited him to stay any time.