It’s been a while since The Guys heard from Pope Francis I, so we sent the Harlem Globetrotters over to check on America’s favorite Catholic-who-didn’t-host-The-Colbert-Report.
Frank’s OK, folks! More than OK, actually. He’s now an honorary member of the Globetrotters, which — aside from being the voice of God on Earth — is the greatest distinction a man of his swatch can achieve.
Actually, you know what? We’re pretty sure this beats being the rock Jesus built his church on.
Do you like stories about animals? Do you like stories about AI? Well how about stories about Germans creating artificial intelligence apes to do research on the moon? Well, then, do we have a story for you!
Also, it should be noted that we have historical documentation that apes in space is not a good idea.
For years you’ve ignored your aunt’s constant posting propaganda about the evils of genetically modified organisms, or GMO. But now it appears your crazy relative was right all along.
Researchers in Taiwan have figured out how to turn onion cells into artificial muscle tissue. They even got their onion muscles to pick up a cotton ball through a series of electric shocks in a certain order.
So there you have it, we’re not even safe from vegetables. Pretty soon, scientists will be making onions that won’t just make you cry, they’ll make you beg for mercy.
