Just when it looked like America was going to have to pretend it still likes baseball while the other good sports take the summer off, here comes soccer!
Despite never caring about soccer to date, no matter what your DC United fan friend claims, our government finally found a reason to give a sh*t about that sport that’s like hockey, only without any of the parts that make hockey good. That reason? Arresting Europeans and f*cking over Russia.
U.S. law enforcement is looking into the culture of corruption that is world soccer management after Russia and Qatar appeared to buy the 2018 and 2022 World Cup locations. And also countless other bribes, money laundering, blah blah blah, let’s not miss that we’re sticking it to one country that’s balls deep in Ukraine and the other that hosted Sex and the City 2.
How long will our interest in soccer last? June, once ESPN starts televising NFL grounds keeping teams sod operations in preparation for the 2015-16 season.