You Missed It: End of transition edition

"Crazy woman driver" should round out the sexist things she's been called.
“Crazy woman driver” should round out the sexist things she’s been called.

National Doughnut Day is about as American a holiday as any non-Super Bowl day can get. But its roots go back a century. During World War I, women from the Salvation Army gave out doughnuts to American soldiers to keep up morale, and probably to remind the boys on the front what a woman looked like. Just picture Ernest Hemingway driving an ambulance near the front lines, drunkenly chomping on a doughnut and trying to avoid driving into a trench. If you were busy campaigning for the female version of Viagra this week, odds are you missed it.

Mercifully, her name is “K” -free
Former Olympian and reality show cameo artist Bruce Jenner this week appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair, announcing that her transition to a woman is complete, and that she now goes by Caitlyn. The cover was celebrated in the LGBT community, and panned by the people on Facebook you knew would say something stupid. But the biggest controversy that has risen since Caitlyn’s transition? You guess it, whether they’re going to rename Bruce Jenner Lane in Austin, Texas.

Blatter deflated
Sepp Blatter announced he will resign as president of FIFA at some point in the future, and that he his cooperating with the authorities looking into the international soccer organization. He said he’d be happy to name names in the corruption investigation as long as “the FBI makes it worth my while, if you know what I mean.”

He means it this time
This week, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry announced he’s running for president. Kicking off a campaign that will need to curry favor with the public, the media and potential corporate backers, in seeking a public position bounded by a document that lays out a series of checks and balances, Perry played a country-rap song called “Answer to No One.” Between the glasses and the ironic choice in music, Rick Perry is your leading hipster candidate.

The placenta placebo

"Science cannot harm the dragon ... 's belief in hokum."
“Science cannot harm the dragon … ‘s belief in hokum.”

New research indicates that there are no health benefits to mothers who eat the placenta after giving birth. This disproves previous Internet-concocted bullsh*t that claimed that eating your baby’s 9-month dorm room somehow gives you magical anti-depression powers and more energy. With no actual benefit found, plus the possibility of getting sick, doctors are recommending that women stop doing that.

They also added, “You’re being weird and gross. Knock it off. You’re somebody’s mother now.”

More scary fish news

There are things fish shouldn’t be able to do, such as reproduce asexually. And now we have several more to add to that list.

Australia outer islands are under attack from a fish that can walk. Not only that, it can climb trees, and even survive without water for up to six days. We made need to stop calling this a fish, come to think of it.

In any case, scientists think the climbing perch, an invasive freshwater fish, can now handle saltwater, and it’s poised to make landfall in the Land Down Under. The perch is known to be aggressive, and could threaten local fish and birds. You can bet that if it does that, humans are next.