Day: June 10, 2015

… He’s going to ask for some hooch

Give a chimp a termite, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish for termites, he'll sit on a tree stump and drink palm wine all day.
Give a chimp a termite, he’ll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish for termites, and he’ll sit on a tree stump and drink palm wine all day.

In a startling follow-up to last week’s post, not only do chimps want cooked food (but won’t cook it themselves), they also want booze. Scientists in Guinea found chimps in the wild soaking up fermented palm sap with makeshift sponges made from chewed up leaves.

Not only are they drinking alcohol, but they’re drinking it people-style: to get drunk and sleep better.

‘Some individuals were estimated to have consumed about 85ml of alcohol,’ [said Dr Kimberley Hockings], ‘the equivalent to 8.5 UK units [approximately equal to a bottle of wine].’

‘[They] displayed behavioural signs of inebriation, including falling asleep shortly after drinking.’

Dear god. The only thing separating us from the animals now is meth, and that’s only because chimps can’t cook.

Don’t worry, the alcohol kills the germs

If you’re like the guys, you enjoy a nice glass of whisky, but you’re always in search of the next whisky gimmick. You’ve had shipwreck whisky, whisky aged in barrels at sea, whisky aged in barrels that held some sort of wine, and you’ve even dabbled in flavored whisky.

Enter Whisky by X, the only whisky available today that has been poured over the body of an adult film star. Yes, you buy a bottle of Whisky by X, you don’t just get a quality 12-year-old blend that’s “diamond and gold filtered,” it’s actually run down the body of either Tori Black or Joy Van Velsen (SFW). We’re sure they have distinct tastes. And it’s yours for just $130 a bottle.

Unfortunately, Whisky by X makes no guarantee that it won’t affect your performance the way other whiskies do.