You Missed It: Fat pants edition

Pictured: The Quizno's diet.
Pictured: The Quizno’s diet.

Despite the thousands of songs trying to convince me otherwise, I’m pretty glad I don’t live in California. The state is constantly under threat of wildfires, earthquakes, smog, and now there’s a huge drought. Years of little rain has put California in a water emergency, and Tom Selleck got shamed for stealing water from a fire hydrant. Best of all, a P.I. was the one who caught him. If you were busy winning the World Cup this week, odds are you missed it.

Subway apparently grosser than we thought
This week, Subway put its relationship with longtime spokesman Jared Fogle on hold after police searched his home in relation to the former head of his nonprofit was arrest on child pornography charges. In addition, Fogle was cut out of the upcoming Sharknado 3. Worst of all, the NCAA has vacated all of Subway’s wins going back to 1999.

Ariana Grande likes frosting, hates U.S.
A video surfaced this week of singer Ariana Grande licking doughnuts she didn’t pay for at a doughnut shop. She then turns to a dancer she’s hanging out with and says “I hate America.” Grande apologized for her actions this week, but it’s too soon to know if people have forgiven her. To most Americans, if you mock their doughnuts and say you hate their country, you might as well have joined ISIS.

Voters like guy from that show
Despite losing deals with NBC, Univision, the PGA and Chef Jose Andres for derogatory comments made about Mexicans, Donald Trump’s polling numbers are surging among Republicans early in the primary season. People seem to be surprised by this, and I don’t understand why. A rich, loud, old white man spouting off whatever unfounded biases come into his mind is the symbol of the Republican party. The only way his supporters will turn on him is if he says he doesn’t like hot dogs as his pizza crust.

Study: Vampires are more afraid of your hate than sunlight

There’s been a lot of talk about sensitivity these days. We’re trying to become a more understanding and inclusive society, and that means giving minorities a say, and recognizing them as people. But no matter how open-minded you are, you’re biased against vampires.

According to a researcher at Idaho State University, it’s exactly that fear of being shunned by society that keeps vampires away from scientific studies. According to D.J. Williams’ research, people who insist they need to ingest human blood for energy are reluctant to come out to scientists because there are such heavy biases against their lifestyle.

So look inside your heart. It’s probably filled with hate–and blood that real-life vampires would love to sample.