When I was a kid, my family would go to the beach for the first week of August. It was a great time, but it was also a bit depressing, because part of the trip was secretly about going outlet shopping for back-to-school stuff. It was like an end of the summer, even though it wasn’t over yet. Friends and family this week have been sending me pictures of fall seasonal beers they’re finding in stores. It brings me back to those last few days of vacation. So thanks for making me feel like a kid again, if a depressed one. If you were busy smashing your car into a U.S. Capitol barrier this week, odds are you missed it.
Guy refuses to give boss his private phone
This week, the NFL upheld four-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady’s four-game suspension for throwing some footballs that weren’t filled with the exact amount of air required by league rules. Commissioner Roger Goodell decided that Commissioner Roger Goodell was correct in doling out the punishment, claiming that Brady ordered his cell phone destroyed before the league asked for it to be turned over. The real crime here is denying the world the nudes that were on that phone.
Lion low
An American dentist became the most hunted man in America after it was revealed that in Zimbabwe he illegally lured a famous lion out of a wildlife preserve and shot it. The internet collectively lost its mind over this. Walter Palmer faces possible charges in Zimbabwe, and here in the U.S., the Justice Department and the Fish and Wildlife Service are looking for him. Roger Goodell has suspended him for two games, and could increase it to a full season if video of the incident surfaces.
There is no 9
Also this week, Microsoft released Window 10, the latest version of his popular operating system. The OS is free for pretty much anyone who bought a Windows computer in the last five or six years, and is being downloaded by millions. So get ready for a call from your parents asking how you do the thing that takes you to the internet.