Take it from Snee: Tolerating unsolicited opinions

MLB and every stockroom in Wal-Mart may be the last wildlife refuges for the goatee.
MLB and every stockroom in Wal-Mart may be the last wildlife refuges for the goatee.

I love baseball. Probably because I barely watch it, thanks to arcane legal agreements that make baseball a cable-only sport. (Streaming only works if you’re not a home team fan willing to shell out for MLB.com because they black out home games. Or if you’re a much more technically literate person than me.) Point is: I can forgive baseball its flaws because it’s barely around to bore me 5 hours at a time most days.

The best part about baseball is that it’s a human story. The players aren’t hidden behind helmets and body-changing pads. Except for the HGH Era, they look roughly like you and me, questionable facial hair choices and all. And, like the rest of us, they have personalities you can actually see and hear.

That’s also the problem recently, as Curt Shilling really, really wants us to know about Muslims, Hillary Clinton and — in recent headlines — transgender women using the women’s room.

On the one hand, I respect Curt Schilling’s pitching accomplishments. On the other, he demands that I respect his opinions, which weren’t asked for and make him look and sound like a douchebag.

So, how tolerant do I have to be? Do I have to tolerate it when someone’s an unbidden jackass in a public forum? You probably know the answer to this question, but hit the jump to find out why we don’t have to tolerate it from anyone who’s just “expressing his opinion.” 

The problem with seemingly “great” guys like Schilling is that, for a few years, they gave us a positive experience to associate with. And, sure, they’re human, so they’re gonna have flaws, but why is it that the people with “opinions […] like buttholes” (because, while Schilling has strong opinions about chicks-with- or -without-dicks, he keeps his language PG-13) always have the worst opinions of other people?

Nobody has ever defended a positive, life-affirming idea by comparing it to an asshole. No, just like how only racist statements follow, “I’m not a racist, but,” no good thing was ever said about anybody before, “Well, opinions are like assholes; everyone has one, and they all stink.”

It’s time for Schilling and the rest of the people in the world to face facts: only assholes have asshole opinions, use their celebrity to give their asshole opinions a platform and get upset when the rest of us — who didn’t want to hear the asshole opinion in the first place — agree that, yep, that was an asshole opinion, and Curt Schilling is an asshole for letting us hear it.

What Schilling is basically doing — publicly saying an asshole thing about people he admits aren’t harming him, and then expecting us to either support him or not object to it — is sending the world an unsolicited dick pic. It’s not of his dick, but he’s definitely showing us one.

As humans, we don’t have to tolerate receiving an unsolicited dick pic. We don’t have to tolerate someone showing their asshole side to the world. And, of all people, Curt Schilling should agree: he’s the one arguing  that we need to protect women from seeing a dick, yet he keeps showing up for work on television.

So, no, I feel pretty comfortable not tolerating Curt Schilling’s support of somehow demanding to see everyone’s birth certificate before they go deposit sh*t or piss in a public receptacle. I also feel very comfortable not tolerating his veiled accusation that “a man is a man no matter what they call themselves” and, therefore, transgender women are automatically potential rapists.

And I still feel pretty damn tolerant, otherwise. After all, I’m not the one accusing people who haven’t raped anyone of being threats to women’s virtue.

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Rick Snee

Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of “moron,” some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and — on one occasion — a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven’t heard of it). Really, he’s just one of The Guys, y’know?