Nope. Nope nope nope nope.

Everyday Australians’ new struggle [reenacted to protect the squeamish].
Our thoughts and prayers go out to Australia, whose citizens will have to personally hand-catch deadly Sydney funnel web spiders if they don’t want deaths from bites to go back up. The Australian Reptile Park, a zoo that is the sole supplier of funnel web spider anti-venom, is unable to keep up with demand by catching and (eeeugh) milking their own spiders. [Warning: Reuters is supremely f*cked up — the first thing you will see on the page is a close up of one of the world’s grossest spiders up close and on-the-job.]

If the reptile park does not receive enough donated spiders, Australia stands to run short on anti-venom that has prevented every single death from bites since it was established in 1981.

So, while we stand on a chair in solidarity with you, mates, it sounds like you’re gonna have to go toe-to-tarsus (look it up) with these spiders, armed only with wooden spoons and glass jars. If it helps, try to channel the ancient Aussies that ate their way through all of your prehistoric nightmares.

Just don’t eat them. You’re almost out of anti-venom.

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Rick Snee

Through his writing for SeriouslyGuys, Rick Snee has alternately been accused of being: a liberal, a conservative, three different spellings of "moron," some old grump, a millennial know-nothing and -- on one occasion -- a grave insult to a minor deity in some obscure pantheon (you probably haven't heard of it). Really, he's just one of The Guys, y'know?